The Blog Of 'Foolish' Exasperation

Facebook "Friends"

2011-02-23T10:07:00.000Z

For fuck’s sake, I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable with my anger or if it is just being misdirected but I get seriously fucking angry when I’m deleted as a friend from someone’s Facebook when I was under the impression we were still, at the very least, acquaintances. This has been sparked off by one particular girl (of course it’s a girl, I don’t do issues of other flavours) who I would normally not properly name… but she can fuck off, her name is Madi. Trying to make a verbose story brief (not easy) she was the best friend of the evil ex that screwed up my head, after the break-up she got in contact with me and we since became good friends. I’ve always fancied her, pretty much since I met her and I clearly told her this at a point soon after the break-up to which she said something along the lines of “Maybe it’s best to wait a while”. I took this to mean that later down the line, maybe something could happen… she, apparently, was thinking that I fancied her only because I’d been through a break-up and needed a friend and had no intention of us ever getting together. A good number of months ago she was in town and we were going to meet up, then she casually mentioned her boyfriend and I realised I wasn’t over fancying her and got into a bit of a state and had to cancel meeting (not helped by then finding out about the evil ex getting married). A month or so after this I thought it best that I send an e-mail to explain why I was being a bit of a dick and expressed that me fancying her was a big cause. This essentially gave her offence and she basically defriended me there and then (albeit not on Facebook… where it really matters), citing that she “didn’t want to feel guilty” because I liked her. Fact is, she’d never explicitly said no to me… just always danced around the subject and almost certainly led me on… unintentionally or not. Upon hearing that things would never happen, everything was fine in my mind, I still fancied her… but I can just bury that and carry on as normal, things are only awkward if you allow them to be. She never responded to me saying that we should still be friends and that all I needed to hear was “No”.

I think ultimately she wanted an excuse to no longer be friends with me and it’s a shame because I think we got on fabulously, regardless of my affections for her. I don’t know her real reasons, frankly I’m not sure I care, what she has done is just basically be a cunt to me after we’ve been really good friends… seems she shares a lot with my evil ex then.

Why do I always allow cunty women to get inside my head, so much so that even just seeing their name pop up on Facebook is enough to get my nerves wracked and my palms sweaty? While I don’t feel I deserve the actually wonderful women I have had the pleasure of encountering, I sure as fuck don’t deserve to be treated like waste. So why can’t I get all crazy over the women that have actually been wonderful to me? Is my brain wired up so wrong? Or is this just the way humans are put together? I used to believe in a beautiful, romantic monogamy with the one person that filled the part of your life you didn’t even know was missing. But I’m too broken to believe that anymore, cynicism and pessimism have taken firm residence and I believe my eternal quest for happiness to be the major shareholder of my emotions, will simply be a trip for biscuits.

I cling to the belief that one day I meet feel different and that my only way to get there is to have an insane amount of wild sex with any single people broken enough to want to with me.

In other news, my lack of posts on here has actually been intentional and not just down to laziness… mostly. I’ve been building up to something and so have been holding off on the posting. Other things in my life have been very busy, acting, band and work have taken up my time considerably, also currently seeing a rather lovely girl, so finding time to myself has been tricky, but I’ve managed where possible. I think I need a giant ego boost lately, just can’t seem to ever have a good opinion of myself.

Anyway… proper posting to resume before too long, oh and it is incredibly awesome to have 8 followers on my blog now :) welcome, and thank you greatly for stopping by.

x

REDBELT **** - A film about martial arts, more than being a martial arts film, with great performances and an interesting and believable story while still being heavily dramatised. The ending unfortunately lets it down slightly by being too abrupt and containing elements that feel implausible.

FIFTY DEAD MEN WALKING *** - Film about an IRA informant during “The Troubles”, based on a true story that is well acted and interesting enough to keep you engaged to the end but doesn’t explore a lot of the interesting avenues it opens up.

DAYBREAKERS *** - Generally interesting vampire film that has a few new ideas but is ultimately predictable and lacking the depth it opens the way for.

SUPER TROOPERS *** - Interesting off-the-wall comedy that is somewhat reminiscent of a David Zucker/Frat Pack film. Worth the watch (even if just for Brian Cox) and has some generally funny moments but unlikely merits re-watching.

HAPPINESS **** - Wonderfully sick and dark comedy about the intertwining lives of a disparate bunch of very broken individuals; superb performances all round.

The Aimless Wonder Of Wandering Aimlessly

2011-01-12T15:06:00.003Z

I don't have a lot to say in this post... just that I feel a bit lost at the moment, like I've got a dissertation due very soon that I have no idea how to write and I don't seem to have any time to be able to deal with it. I think my dissillusionment currently stems (as do all my issues) from relationships, past, present, future. Why does my mind choose to focus on the complicated and foolish endeavours that make me miserable when I should be focussing on the simple and logical ones that would make me happy? What the fuck is wrong with my mind? Why does it feel like I'm constantly struggling for air?

This whole thing confuses, scares and antagonises me... I sometimes wish I could hide away and cut out the parts of my mind hell bent on torturing me.

On a much more positive note, I've noticed and would like to welcome a new follower, thanks for stopping by. Is it at all tragic that your arrival has rather lifted my spirits and made my heart feel happier? Very much thank you! x

Victory At Dawn

2010-12-30T14:22:00.001Z

So yeah, if you haven’t already heard I am finally in a band, a five piece, punk rock/emo outfit called “Victory At Dawn”. We’ve only just started and with the holidays being busy as they are, we haven’t had a good amount of time to properly practice lately but are expecting serious progress next year; the other guys are awesome, the music is sounding awesome. Words can’t describe how sweet this is for me and I will of course keep this place posted as to further developments.

Unsocial Networking

2010-12-30T11:37:00.001Z

I was starting to get addicted to Facebook a while back… but what I was really addicted to was the constant need for attention on it from friends (namely women, for validation purposes); when I didn’t get that, I felt crippled and that didn’t help my depressive spiral from a little while back. I don’t feel ‘addicted’ to it anymore but I wonder if that is more because I feel less dark inside and generally more sociable in other areas of life. I’ve always been one to prefer social company than the online equivalent; I am a very tactile person after all. But when feeling down and depressed, I shut myself away and then get sad when no-one contacts me, such is the nature of my hypocritical brain at the time. I guess I feel like I need to be rescued when it comes to those times and Facebook only serves to confound these issues. I think social networking (in the online sense) is a great thing and needs to be embraced, provided it doesn’t replace the real-life counterpart… else it can suppose to you that there are a vast number of people out there and no-one wants to talk to you.

This reflective post was brought to you today by the word 'Quince'.

x

A Perfectly Kromulent Context

2010-12-23T11:16:00.001Z

I am not as smart as I would like to think I am but I try all the time to educate myself in language (despite not studying it). As a result I tend to know a fair amount of words but may not always completely understand their meaning. This causes me to use fancy words in the wrong place. I apologise for this and hope people always understand my meaning and appreciate that I try and research words whenever I am a little unsure of their exact meaning. We have the capacity for greatness in language… we should all exploit this.

X

Making Up For Past Promises

2010-12-22T14:45:00.001Z

Ok this is from a while ago when I mentioned that I would be presenting some dark posts which never really materialised. Those days are gone but I feel like I should explain what was going on in my head at that time (and a reason for some of the many broken parts inside me)… plus I also had written it ages ago and just hadn’t bothered to post it.

So the reason for my sour, dark mood of that time revolves around two girls specifically whom we shall name Ms G and Ms H.

The wonderful Ms H and I were seeing each other for an ultimately too brief a time and it was long distance between us so we were having fun and not expecting anything further to materialise from it… also the sex was really quite phenomenal. However upon planning to meet up again soon, she informed me that he ex had moved back to her town and she was going to get back with him… so I was pretty much left gutted and with just a text message, crushed from an abandoned, planned meet, never to see her again. I realised at this point that I liked her way more than I first realised and so begun my real difficulties of once again wanting what I could never have. But did I want to be with her because I’m in love with her or is it simply because she is unavailable? Whatever the reason I found it really hard to cope, there was a lot of doing nothing but breathing, crying and thinking about her. (EDIT – It should be noted that I do not blame/hate her or her boyfriend, just hated the situation, she is glorious and I’m sure her boyfriend is equally so).

This all then spurred me back onto my downward spiral of thoughts about Ms G…

Ahhhh Ms G… I’ve talked about her on here before, a girl I’ve been infatuated with for years but have never been single with at the same time. Part of me wants to wait for her… but the other part has no idea if she’s even interested in me anymore, despite her saying a good while ago that she was. In either case, I’m yet to actually meet up with her, even just as friends, and I feel I need this because at the moment I’m obsessed with the ‘idea’ of her… I could be way, way off from the real thing. And it would of course be as friends, because she has a boyfriend and I have no intention at all of messing with that dynamic (not that I’m arrogant enough to even consider myself able to), I would never do such a thing… even for my own happiness, of which I long for. But despite my attempts to at least meet up, perhaps gain some closure for my broken soul, she’s decided to just simply ignore me, my texts, e-mails and chats fall on deaf speakers, which is a real dick-move as it goes. I can handle any explanation, but just being ignored is fucking rude. She hasn’t removed me as a friend on Facebook yet I feel it’s just a matter of time as I can no longer see her wall, so clearly I’ve been downgraded in the ‘friend’ status. Am I being unreasonable here? No doubt with the way fate likes to toy with me, she hasn’t been contacting me because of a terrible tragedy in her life which she’s truly struggling with, and I’m the dick for pestering her for coffee. (EDIT – I haven’t attempted to contact her again for a while, I still think the way she’s acted towards me is cuntish)

So yeah, that’s my reasons for being dark a little while… the latter half is a constant reason for darkness… but some people have helped me to feel wondrous of late, I simply can’t express my ultimate gratitude towards them.

Until the next time Chan has another ‘sode.

x

Some Film Reviews I Forgot To Post Ages Ago

2010-12-20T17:59:00.000Z

ADVENTURELAND **** - A fun and charming 'coming-of-age' dramedy from the director of 'Superbad', about a college graduate getting a summer job at the local theme park. Excellent performances all round and while there is nothing groundbreaking in its narrative, it is very enjoyable and really rather touched me... and not in a family member, inappropriate way either. However one thing did bug me throughout, and please forgive my ignorance. The film is set in 1987, Pittsburgh and it's believed that most of the key characters are fresh from college (i.e. 18-20), yet they all happily drink in bars and clubs; the drinking age was raised to 21 in 1984 I believe. Normally I look past such inconsistencies or try to explain them away (they may have all had fake ID, or just looked older so got away with the drinking in public) but this one wouldn't leave me... maybe I missed something... still it doesn't stop the film from being rather lovely.

THE EXPENDABLES *** - A good and enjoyable 80s style action film for the modern day, worth watching almost entirely for the first time screening of Stallone and Schwarzenegger in a scene; though it does highlight just how terrible and actor Arnie really is, especially compared to Stallone. The only thing that marred my enjoyment of this film was the sporadic use of extreme violence; its infrequency became slightly jarring.

ZOMBIELAND **** - A cute and quirky zombie comedy which has no particular story other than the coming together of survivors and forming bonds. Funny, clever and entertaining – Jesse Eisenburg, as always, is superb.

KUNG FU HUSTLE **** - A fun, crazy and silly martial arts film that is as close as I think you can get to live action anime.

Rolling on the Floor Laughing My Fucking Arse Off Out Loud

2010-12-19T16:36:00.002Z

I don't know if I've covered this before but probably my biggest pet peeve in this world is that of text-speak. I honestly find it the worst part of my job, give me paedophilia and bestiality and I can hold my own but put a few "lol"s and "ur"s and I will start reaching for my axe. I understand that there was once a time for it, in the dawn of texting, where each text cost you to re-mortgage your house and so ensuring you got everything you needed to say in one text was very important. However in this day and age we do not have this problem, especially when it comes to internet chat, learn to type correctly you dumb shit; sometimes you are just writing exactly the same number of letters... just in a more retarded way to make me want to hit you with a brick until you understand it is not acceptable behaviour. Yes I can be considered a grammar-Nazi and yes I am fallible (very) when it comes to grammar... but this doesn't even constitute language, just fucking grow up.

I also hate acronyms (as my title implies), especially the acronym "lol", which must never be uttered, lest it be for examples of what not to say, or in a patronising and ironic fashion. I wasn't a fan of it much anyway but when (at work) I was reading a chat log between a paedophile and a young girl it tipped me over the edge of hate. Literally, and I mean literally, "lol" would be used at the end of every sentence by the paedophile and just made the whole thing even more creepy...

"Hi, how are you today? lol"*
"Did you have a good day at school, lol"*
"I want to have you sitting on my knee lol"*

*Grammar probably more accurate than original chat logs

The long and short of it is that if you ever use the term "lol" in my presence, I will think you are a paedophile and prepare my grammar-brick for further use.

Regardless of all that though, I fucking love emoticons... simply put they are the simplest way to express meaning and intention in a form of communication that does not allow for intonation and facial expressions.

Therefore learn to type correctly (dyslexia is not entirely an excuse), don't use acronyms and feel free to use emoticons and you will avoid the over-ruling brick of judgement.

Smiley-face emoticon.

x

P.S. I've realised my 'test' buttons for links don't seem to at all work on Internet Explorer... I shall look into this.

Updates Are A Comin'

2010-12-01T14:04:00.003Z

Yes that is correct, I intend to update this site in a marvellous merry fashion. However the time and date of this 'update' is not set, oh but it will happen... eventually... one day. I'm mostly trying to find a nice design and layout for the buttons I will create as links to other sites and generally make this site more appealing for the few that view it so it can at least be aesthetic while the words slowly rot the mind.

But I am working on it, please bear with me, you crazy ducks.

In the meantime, here is this:

Stop Basking In The Golden Shower Of My Vacation

2010-11-16T13:58:00.000Z

I hate coming back from holidays but not in the way you might expect. It’s not the leaving of the place I was taking the holiday, or the returning to the hum-drum of my normal life that I despise so much… rather it’s the meeting of friends, family, colleagues and other acquaintances after I get back that makes me want to hook a belt on the clothes rail and masturbate myself into oblivion. When you see anyone you know after you’ve been on holiday the inevitable questions of “How was your holiday?” and “Did you have a nice time?” come up and I just find it annoying to have to talk about what I got up to. I sometimes don’t mind talking about it a bit if it’s been a really good holiday but only to a couple of people, when you’re asked constantly… you just feel like stabbing people in the carotid… or is that just me? I know most people are being polite but if you ever ask how my holiday was and I only respond “Good thanks, was nice to get away” don’t be offended if any follow-up questions from you are answered with a swift axe to the groin.

x

No! Bad Computer Generated Object

2010-11-11T14:17:00.001Z

My apologies again for leaving this blog alone for a while and for also lying about the next few posts being quite dark, as they probably won’t be… probably. I’ll explain all in good time (it’s girl related, as usual) but for now let’s get on with the show…

So yeah, fuck you Pixar! No, seriously just fuck you! No, I don’t care if you make incredibly good films with beautiful stories, talented voice acting and stunning visuals, you are not allowed to fuck about with my emotions the way that you do. No other film production company has the consistent ability to make me face-leak with a mixture of crushing despair and overwhelming jollity, what the fuck gives you the right? Since Ratatouille you’ve taken a step away from making good movies to making cinematic experiences that grab me by my black heart and shove it in front of my face to remind me that it is still pumping liquid life-goo around my body, and then gives me a quick swift kick in the balls to remind me that I’m its bitch.

So fuck you… but never stop what you are doing because it is magical and you are my drug Pixar… my dirty, heart-grabbing, ball-crushing, life-affirming, soul-destroying drug.

x

SEX DRIVE **** - A surprisingly fun and enjoyable ‘coming-of-age’, road-trip film, with good performances wrapped around a mostly predictable plot. Worth watching the DVD extras for further comedy goodness as they are all played tongue-in-cheek.

A Public Service Announcement

2010-09-23T11:26:00.004+01:00

This is a warning that some of my subsequent posts may well be fairly dark and 'whiney'... I need to use this space to air some issues again and complain about how lonely I am etc. So no complaining or telling me to fuck off and grow up or whatever, I have given fair warning. x

Toilet Seats Up?

2010-09-23T11:25:00.001+01:00

Why the fuck can't people put the toilet seat/lid down, it really fucking bugs me, as does not replacing the toilet paper when a new roll is right there next to the holder. I know that by trying to heavily avoid the standard stereotype of idiot males, I've stumbled into the standard stereotype of females finding it really annoying. While of course it's unlike me to side with females over males (ho ho), they are absolutely right with this situation. Leaving the toilet seat/lid up is unhygienic, unattractive and uninviting. It also means (in the case of the seat being left up) that many males are missing out on the chill-time awarded by the solitary situation of going to the bathroom; a time to think, contemplate, refresh, all while doing a necessary act of biology.

I think it's the laziness that bothers me most, are those extra 5-10 seconds really that important? The answer quite obviously ONLY being 'Yes' WHEN in bed... with an erection.

x

Holy Sex-Penis

2010-09-14T11:47:00.019+01:00

I love "It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia", like totally adore it and some of my favourite characters are the McPoyle family. The girl-Mcpoyle, Margeret, is a deaf mute with greasy hair and a unibrow… she is not an attractive entity; however the actress who plays her, British-born Thesy (prounounced like Daisy with a T) Surface is really fucking hot and thus I think I’m a little bit in love. The easiest way to make me fall for you is to be hilariously funny and preferably very, very dark in your humour… and also being hot is required because I’m a shallow cunt.

BYES x

Thesy as Margeret McPoyle

Thesy doing the sexy

... ?

2010-09-07T14:15:00.001+01:00

I think I use the ellipsis too much… and to be honest I’m not sure how I should really be using it. When I first started using full stops to indicate a pause in narrative (when I was a simpleton), I would simply use and inordinate quantity with no regard for literary values. Then I discovered, on an ex girlfriends dating profile, that what I was doing was in spirit correct but it needed refining… like ore… or something. So now I am aware that the ellipsis is what I need, and that it uses three full stops but I’m unsure of whether or not there should be a space after the ellipsis or not. To start with I didn’t use one but now I have started (as I think it looks better). Basically I want to ask you three people that ‘follow’ my blog if I’m a) using it correctly and b) using it too much. I want to be better at this creative writing malarkey and could do with all the help I can get.

X

TOY STORY 3 ***** - Seriously... Pixar just do not make any bad films... it might makes some that aren't as awesome as others... but at least lately it's truly been hit after hit after hit. Toy Story 3 is wonderfully funny, exceptionally charming, incredibly heart breaking and blissfully nostalgic (the first 20 minutes is rife with superb nods to the previous films). Pixar have a knack of making me cry with ease either by being too awesome, too sweet and happy or being too tragic. It's also a wonderful feeling knowing that I saw the first Toy Story at the cinema when it came out fifteen years ago, it brings back very happy memories. My only small gripe with this film is that I felt the 3D nature of it, kinda detracted from it... I'm just not sure I'm completely sold on 3D technology yet.

All I Hear Is Lady-No Gaga

2010-09-03T14:56:00.000+01:00

I do not like Lady Gaga, she seems very annoying and as if she's trying too hard. I also don't like her music and I hate the fact that despite not liking it, I find it very catchy. However I still don't understand why there is this talk of her possibly not being a woman... I just don't see it, she doesn't even look close to being a man, once or otherwise. Also... why the fuck does it matter, you either find her attractive or you don't... sex or gender shouldn't ever really factor into attraction unless you are retardedly conservative.

I am a man who has witnessed a large proportion of transgender pornography and to me... Lady Gaga looks like a lady. And if she is transgender... I'd have absolutely no issue saying yes (he says with arrogance).

x

DARK CITY **** - Wonderfully strange and twisted vision of a world that is not at all what it seems and the story of one man who starts to figure out what's going on 'behind the scenes'. Good performances, with exceptional ones from Keifer Sutherland and Richard O'Brien; a very Gilliamesque style film that is as odd as it is enjoyable.

I ‘Like’ How Easy It Is For You To Be A Complete Tool

2010-09-02T08:18:00.000+01:00

Facebook is a great place for social networking… heck that’s its primary function… but this ‘like’ phenomenon has gotten a little bit crazy. Due to Facebook’s success and worldwide acclaim, you can ‘Like’ almost any video, article, picture, blog on the net… and this is a good thing, it demonstrates to your friends your varied interests and perhaps opens them up to new and interesting things. What I do think to be a complete waste of everyone’s fucking time and especially my valuable eye-seeing time are dickweedy ‘Like’s that just convey some nostalgic emotion or sentiment… something that might pop up on your news feed like (hur hur..) “Cockface McPats likes The time when you’re in the bath and you realize you forgot to bring the electric kettle in with you LOLZ”.

They simply have no place in this world, they hold no interest to me and if they do to anyone else, I actually pity your inconsequential existence. Tell me about the tangible things you like, the things I can see for myself, that have substance, that I too can decide if I like it or even ‘Like’ it… not some remote, pointless thought or feeling that brings nothing new to the table other than my utter disdain for your well-being… you fucking bore me!

x

FRACTURE *** - An interesting premise about a man openly committing a murder and toying with the evidence enough to make him seem innocent in the eyes of the law; a psychological thriller of sorts. Sadly it just doesn't really feel like it gets off the ground, the trailer portrays it as a slick and intense thriller... but ultimately it's quite laid back in its pacing and just failed to really grab my attention fully.

I'm In Love With A (Former) Porn Star

2010-09-01T09:58:00.002+01:00

Sorry for being distant and for being oh so whiney folks, it won't happen again... for a while.

Anyhoo, I have seen a lot of porn, both through my 'social' life and now through the work that I do. I have seen many very beautiful and talented pornographic actresses (talent refers strictly to the field of pornography only) but while I have some favourites there is one porn actress in particular that really kinda makes me feel funny... and more in a Disney 'pauper spies the princess' way rather than the 'teen that's just discovered his penis' way... though that's not to say that I'm not totally turned on by her (her work is certainly my most choice material); her name is Azlea Antistia and she is sadly no longer working in pornography. I don't ever get 'attached' to celebrity fantasies and only have one other celebrity I totally fancy (Jennifer Ayache)... I'm not quite sure why I'm so attracted to her. I think perhaps it might be because she reminds me a little (in appearance) of a real-life female of whom I'm very attracted to... regardless, I have sweaty, dark-room geek-love for Ms Antistia.

One issue I do have, is that very long nails are not attractive on anyone, least of all on someone performing or receiving sexual acts... a note to any, very desperate women out there.

SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD ***** - There is so much rich goodness to this film it's difficult to know where to being... actually, right at the beginning; I knew I was going to adore this film as soon as the 'Universal' screen card was displayed in retro 8-bit colours with its theme being played in equal 8-bit awesomeness, though I found myself taking a while to get into it properly as Scott Pilgrim is not a terribly likable character. This film is a goldmine of obeisance to comic books and video games, and fans of either genre will (particularly the latter) will go all 'googly-eyed' over this film if they have any sense in them. All the performances are superb (with notable mentions to Kieran Culkin, Brandon Routh and Ellen Wong) and the script is well developed, humorous in all the right places and suitably paced; Edgar Wright is a superb screenwriter and an excellent director who I'm very glad to see is going from strength to strength. It's all the truly delicious video game references that gave me joy, from the "Vs" style battle screens before each fight to people exploding into coins and the self-referential nature of it all. The music also needs a large mention as it's superb and fits with every part of the film it's being played in, there is a good number of excellent artists involved and I believe the music from 'Sex Bob-omb' (Scott Pilgrim's fictional band) was penned and possibly performed by the marvel of Beck Hansen (including one track that is performed as an 8-bit version towards the end of the credits that in my opinion is worth waiting for.) I haven't ever read the comics (though I love comics and their story style, I've not really ever read any since my days of 'The Beano') so don't know how faithful it is to the original comic but I'm told that it is. If you are a fan of comic books, video games or quirky and innovative films then you require this film in your life; the biggest irony of this film however is that it's the perfect example of a perfect video game movie... yet it's in actuality a comic book movie.

Fuck The Unobtainable (I Would If I Could)

2010-08-23T14:39:00.002+01:00

Seriously, what the fucking hell is wrong with me, why am I so deeply attracted to girls that are completely uninterested or unavailable or both? Why do I have to torture myself so, knowing that they are with somebody really hurts and I'm actually scared about the prospect of them getting engaged... I'm quite honestly not sure how I'd handle it, I think it would crush me. There are so many lovely and gorgeous girls out there, some of which might even be stupid enough to like and want me... so why can't I just forget about those that I can't get and write them off completely. I'm so scared of a missed opportunity with them, I'm probably going to give myself an ulcer, all I ask for is a brief opportunity nothing more, I'm not fucking asking for the world, just a glimpse into would could be... perhaps a glimpse at happiness again... though I've gotten so good at feigning it, I'm not sure I know how to experience it anymore.

Adapt or Die!

2010-08-19T12:57:00.008+01:00

Film adaptations of video games have never been the source of good critical acclaim; the only people it’s really likely to please are the gaming community. Since ‘Super Mario Bros.’ started the live action trend back in 1993 it’s been a rollercoaster ride of peaks and troughs… while mostly the latter. Generally a mistake is made when trying to turn a simple game (i.e. Super Mario Bros.) with basically no story, into some form of narrative. This is why I am actually very interested in the idea for a new 'Mortal Kombat' movie. When the first came out, I loved it as a kid, I even remember watching it and jumping around the living room kicking and punching, while the credits rolled; of course now I realize it as the merciless dirge that it is. Why I’m interested in this 'upcoming' film is that the trailer (which is actually a "proof of concept" rather than a trailer for a film that is being made) portrays it as real and gritty, morphing the storyline of the game to fit into an actual, realistic setting. The trailer is below and while it might not catch everyone’s eye, I am a big fan of franchise reboots that take it to the very dark and gritty and an avid gaming fan, so I really hope this film gets made.

Other than this, the one video game movie that I am nervously very excited about is Mass Effect. I’ve talked before about how much I adore the story and setting of this game and it truly has the potential to be a superb film. But I have issues with the characters being played by others from those who currently do the voicework... it just won't be the same if they are played by different people; similarly though, some of the voice artists may be terrible actors; it's because of this I fear my hopes could very, very easily be dashed. I suppose though, if that's the case, it won’t then break the trend of video game movies, so no-one will be surprised and the reputation of the game might be spared.

GHOST DOG: WAY OF THE SAMURAI *** - I'd waited about ten years to see this film after hearing about it in a DVD/Video review show on channel 4 called 'Vids' (or was it Vidz? Fuck, I loved that show). It sounded great, Forest Whittaker as a modern day hitman obsessed with the way of the samurai, and for the most part it is very interesting and well executed. However the trailer completely misinterprets the direction of the film... making it look like an all out martial arts action movie, which it simply isn't. Somewhat predictable but unexpectedly humorous at times it's an enjoyable film; also features music from 'RZA' marking his first foray into soundtrack territory.

Apathetic Blogger or A Pathetic Blogger?

2010-08-17T15:30:00.000+01:00

I have not been blogging much lately due to the regular laziness, but also due to really preferring to finish the new layout of the blog and its links before properly posting again. This does not mean I've not been blogging in my mind, so I have some stuff to post before too long.

Also I would like people's opinions on my current layout or the way that it's going... and anything people could suggest to make it... well just generally more interesting.

Toodles.

x

A Movie Review Catch-up

2010-07-21T12:56:00.002+01:00

I have been feeling very shitty this week, yet more girl troubles... perhaps castration is actually the answer. Anyway I remembered I was meant to post some film reviews that have been accumulating, so here they are:

NEXT ** - Interesting premise (thanks to Phillip K. Dick), average execution, terrible acting from Nic Cage and an ending that would make you punch your grandma in the face out of frustration.

KNOWING **** - Nicely presented disaster film/psychological thriller, great performance from Nic Cage, very brave and well thought out ideas... though I felt the very final scene was unnecessary.

FOUR LIONS **** - Hilarious and equally tragic story of five Muslim suicide bombers and their determination to be martyrs despite being completely hapless. Excellent work by Chris Morris, Sam Bain and Jesse Armstrong... also features a great scene with a cameo from Kevin Eldon.

IRON MAN 2 *** - Enjoyable comic book sequel, not as good as the first... could have done with a bit more character development and the climactic battle was too short in my opinion. Well worth seeing, even if just for Robert Downey Jr. and Jon Favreau.

DISTRICT 13: ULTIMATUM **** - Wonderful sequel to an awesome film, worth watching simply for the parkour scenes alone…which is just as well since, like the first one, the story isn’t that great. Also worth having a quick peek/listen to the English dubbing… absolutely the worst dubbing in any film I’ve ever seen, even worse than most dubbed games.

NATIONAL TREASURE *** - Fun and entertaining adventure film in the ‘Indiana Jones’ vein, limited by it being a Disney venture so at times it’s a little bit child orientated, but ultimately well acted and executed.

INCEPTION ***** - Truly the best film I’ve seen in many years; stylish, intelligent, breath-taking and emotional. Superb performances from all cast members as they navigate an incredibly well written script and stunning set-pieces. I simply cannot stress just how much you need to see this film; if you don’t see it… I will hurt you.

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER **** - A humorous and touching journey through the birth and demise of a relationship. Joseph Gordon-Levett gives (as always) an outstanding performance and works well alongside Zooey Deschanel.

FRANKLYN *** - An interesting and well executed film that really only loses points for being very predictable in places. It focuses on four distinct individuals and their way of dealing with loss; three stories set in contemporary London, with the fourth in an otherworldly city called ‘Meanwhile City’.

How Does The Unobtainable Have The Power To Obtain?

2010-07-16T11:24:00.000+01:00

Is it a human thing? I've read/heard from numerous sources throughout my jaded existence that people generally just want what they can't have. I was always a believer that this is not always the case and it only affects a minority... but perhaps I misjudged this trait of ours. This comes back simply to a girl whom I've had a substantial interest in for a long, long while, who as you might have guessed, is unobtainable. I've been in this situation before and somewhat longed after someone that is currently with another, but I usually just accept fate and do my best to move on. So why does this one girl constantly capture my attention? Why does the mere thought of her being currently with someone, sting? Is it more to do with the fact that there was a missed opportunity and at one point both of us admitted to fancying the other? Probably. The worst part of this longing for someone unobtainable is that, if tradition follows, once/if you obtain such thing... then you don't want it any more. What a stupid and vicious game for your mind to play on you! I have no illusions that if we were to get together that it'd be the best relationship ever and everything in the world would be roses... but I absolutely one day want the opportunity to try.

Waiting for such things is hard and I'm not so much of a fool to wait forever but I really, truly hope I get to experience things with her someday... just for the opportunity.

An Update About The Update

2010-06-15T11:45:00.003+01:00

The astute of the few that read this may have noticed that the design has changed a little on this blog, that is because I intend to give it a good HTML scrub and make it look a little more awesome...but I'm working on it and like most of my projects, it's taking its time, so please bear with me.<

Thanks
Love
FatChan xx

Through Music We Find Our Capacity For Humanity

2010-06-15T11:36:00.007+01:00

I've always been a fan of fingerstyle guitar music, before I even knew what it was. Recently I've been indulging in newer artists that perform in this amazing way. I'm a huge fan of music layering, especially when it's achieved by one person and being performed live. I'm also a huge fan of using instruments to their fullest and beyond, getting sounds from an instrument that is new and exciting. There are many practitioners of this and I have seen some live before...though while I appreciate their willingness to experiment, sometimes to me it's just not musical, I figure this is more just my ears not being tuned well to it, like how I used to hate metal and any screaming music when I was younger but now can appreciate it (when used sparingly alongside well executed vocals) and even want to perform it. Still, seeing a man gaffer tape himself to his bass guitar while hitting it into a keyboard...doesn't really do anything for me other than act as an interesting performance piece.

I'm rather getting away from the subject in hand, that of layering/fingerstyle music. There have been a few artists that have really taken my interest of late. Firstly a beatboxing genius in the form of Reggie Watts. Beatboxing is always impressive and a real testament to the talent of our voices and along with others such as Beardyman, Reggie Watts makes all his own music armed with a microphone and a sequencer that he will record each loop into and then layer everything on top. To top it off, he mixes in comedy and I believe that most of his live compositions are done completely improvised on the spot...he's worth checking out.

I'd like to also mention an artist I was told about called Howie Day and more specifically his song 'Ghost'. The reason this interests me is that the live performance (and obviously the original composition) is beautiful and involves him layering loops of him on his guitar that fit together wonderfully. Compare that however with the released version of the track and it's entirely ruined. It is polished, contains other instruments and has completely lost the soul of the song. They need to be listened to in contrast to really appreciate it, though I implore you to listen to the live version first.

Another very worthy musician of note is Kaki King, she uses fingerstyle and creates just beautiful music and also uses layering, particularly in her song 'Gay Sons of Lesbian Mothers' which is gorgeous and the video is worth watching.

Furthermore I'd like to mention a fingerstyle artist called Stefano Barone who I was introduced to the other week. I've fallen in love with his music and watching him play is remarkable and stunning. I let you watch the video of his two compositions and understand for yourself.

Also on another note I'm listening to 'Antidotes' by Foals for the first time in ages and forgot how amazing they are...though disheartening as I feel I could never reach such peaks; I can't wait to get 'Total Life Forever'. Mostly their music reminds me that I really miss my friends from Oxford, I hope to see them soon.

Mr Bean

2010-06-07T11:00:00.000+01:00

Ok, I like Sean Bean... but why is it that he's always a bad guy in everything I see him in, usually a good guy who turns out to be a bad guy. Also does he have it written into his contracts that he has to die in most of his films? I know it's generally a British trait to play the bad guys in American films (does this still stem from the American War of Independence?) but come on Beany, can't you just be good and stay good sometime and then perhaps survive the movie. It's like a strange horror movie depicting a movie where one character always dies no matter what they do... actually that sounds like an interesting concept, I'd pay for that.

Spoilers - Warning: May Contain Spoilers

2010-06-05T17:21:00.000+01:00

ARRRGH! The thing I hate... truly, truly hate... is that of spoilers. I'm generally a relaxed fellow but this can whip me into a mass murdering fury. If spoilers in TV, films and games don't bug you then clearly you don't care enough about the media and story so GTFO! I'll admit that for certain things, spoilers don't mean much... comedies for example, as you're there for the journey of jokes on the way. Also there has to be a cut off point with regards to time, so something over a few years old or so should generally be ok to spoil as it's had a long enough grace period; but even then spoilers should only occur by accident and people should just respect other people. It's not fucking hard to just not be a cunt and remember that just because you've seen it, doesn't mean everyone else has. It's so fucking easy to ask if people mind things being spoiled and if not, choose another time and location to discuss the finer points of said topic.

What makes it worse though is that some people actually relish in ruining things for people... Why the fuck do some people have to be such cunts about things? Why can't people just be respectful of others in their day to day life? It's probably good that there is a law against killing/torturing people for spoiling things... else I wouldn't have time for much else.

I'll Have What He's Having

2010-06-04T13:47:00.001+01:00

Fact is, I find a lot of my female friends attractive, many of them are wonderfully beautiful and incredibly lovely and all of them are awesome. There are however a very small few that I do really fancy. I understand that nothing is ever likely to happen with them, either through them currently being in relationships, or just not being interested... I can accept that. However one girl in particular really makes me lament (inadvertently) that we haven't been able to hook up in any capacity. I'm not suggesting we're made for each other, we may not even work as a couple, we may not even ever want to be a couple. But the fact that I genuinely want to explore things with her and can't because we've never been single at the same time, actually drives me a little nuts. I think that since I'm not in a good relationship state currently, I'll continue waiting for her, because it would be stupid to miss the opportunity should it arise. It's not love...it's just a longing to be intimate with an awesome and gorgeous friend and to not miss on the opportunity to explore it. This girl may or may not know who she is or even just how attracted I am towards her, but it's very likely she'll never read this anyway... 'twas just something I needed to get off my chest.

Vote for Call Me Animal - Round 2

2010-04-15T15:09:00.004+01:00

Hey folks,

Please go here and vote again for my happy, happy friends 'Call Me Animal'...we would all totally appreciate it and in return* there might be some sexy times for you.

*The return may not involve sexy times unless you are desperate or a prostitute

LOVE YOU BYE x

Vote for Call Me Animal

2010-04-13T16:52:00.005+01:00

Hey all you happy folks, I ask of a favour (though it may only reach but a select and precious few), please can you go to this website and vote for "Call Me Animal" so that some friends of mine can get some of the acknowledgement they very richly deserve...quick though as it closes at midnight I believe.

There...I've whored myself out enough for today, unless there are any other takers for devious sexual exploration or otherwise?

Thank you all very, very much...not only for the vote but for actually reading my blog :)

x

The Voices Speak To Me...With Terrible Dialogue

2010-04-09T11:02:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure if this is a subject I've mentioned before or not...such is the curse of leaving a long time between posts...but why do a lot of computer games have such terribly laid out scripts or poor voice acting? If they were all atrocious across the board then perhaps this wouldn't be such an issue but the fact is that there are some outstanding examples of good voice acting in games. Most notably in my eyes and likely to remain my Game of the Year even in this years infantile stage, is Mass Effect 2 (Hmmm I should probably have pre-warned you but if you don't really know about games then I'd probably skip this entire post, I'm going to assume you at least know a bit about them and the companies that create them). Bioware are famous for making very good games and are masters and mistresses of great story-telling; I have loved every game of theirs I've played. Mass Effect was very hotly anticipated by me, a rich space opera with everything a sci-fi fan requires, enhanced with some great voice actors (Keith David, Seth Green, Raphael Sbarge to name but a few). The finished product didn't quite live up to everything that was promised and while it had a number of bugs and niggles it was still a hugely enjoyable game and at the heart of it was an epic story (1st part of a trilogy) and superb acting that really helped engross you and make you feel like your choices mattered. Bring along the sequel and everything that was wrong with the first has been greatly improved upon, the story has become even more epic, the universe richer, the characters deeper and the acting absolutely sublime with even more great actors signing on (Martin Sheen, Adam Baldwin, Tricia Helfer and many more). The fact is this game drew me in to its very core because of the acting and story...I long to be part of that universe again and follow the stories of this beautifully rendered and realised creation...and the gameplay fucking rocks.

So if a game can do it so very, very right...why do so many of them fail so badly? Especially in RPGs where story is the key component and good acting and scriptwriting is required to keep the player engaged and enthralled. Usually there is a big failure in Japanese RPGs when they are dubbed into English, in its native language it sounds excellent but the dubbing is truly terrible on every level...just like in films...but why, when ME2 can do such a sterling job? A friend theorised that this could be because the Japanese actors are well-known and well-trained voice actors so it will sell well for that audience, however the dubbed voices are of not such high quality. I read a comment once saying that people shouldn't want a game just based on famous people being in it, while this is true (e.g. 50 cent's 'games') usually these people are very good actors and will enhance a games story. It's true that it doesn't mean they are better than unknown, professional voice actors but their being famous actors, usually means they will be good at their acting. My general plea to any player of any Japanese developed game is to set the voice language to Japanese (which a lot seem to have now in this age) and have subtitles, you will thank me for it...and if you're too lazy to read subtitles...I don't want to talk to you any more.

By far and away the worst voice acting in a game goes to 'Lost Planet'. Capcom has never had a good record of well voice-acted games (i.e. the Resident Evil series), it's just as well that their games are usually superb enough to get by without the terrible acting...let's hope they never go the RPG route.

Another interesting point is the game 'Prototype'. Excellent game and very enjoyable to play, the story and plot are well put together and interesting, especially through the use of gaining people's memories in the game to further understand what happened to the protagonist...it's a very good and revealing way of engaging the player. The acting is very good and features some famous people, however the scripting of the dialogue is mostly very, very poor. A lot of it doesn't make sense in relation to the characters (e.g. a character suddenly knowing a bunch of the plot but not revealed how they know or characters doing certain things but not explaining why). It feels mostly like they wanted to shift the balance away from the cut-scenes and concentrate on the gameplay...which is fine if the story isn't complex (which reminds me I saw the trailer for 'The Expendables'...I cannot wait...I came when I saw Arnie, Stallone and Bruce Willis in a scene together) and not integral...in this instance it really detracts from what could have further enhanced the game. Still...awesome game.

Well that's enough un-succinct, gaming waffle to pass the time for now.

KICK-ASS ***** - Truly I cannot fault this film, perhaps only that at times it messed with my mind and heart by interchanging deeply tragic with hilarity...but that ballsy move has to be commended (and on reflection, some effects weren't terribly amazing, but considering the film was funded solely by the director Matthew Vaughn...these are faults that can happily be ignored). I was looking forward to this film for ages and it totally surpassed my expectations; funny, stylish, tragic and brutal. I should have found out first just how violent that comic was but this film is superbly violent, usually completely caused by one of the best characters in history, an 11 year old female superhero (HitGirl) with a foul mouth and the skills to literally decimate a room full of bad guys. In contrast to her father (Big Daddy) who silently and expertly executes his attacks, played by a truly excellent Nic Cage. This film is an absolute must for ANY comic book fan and for anyone who enjoys very dark comedy...best film I've seen in a good while...superb

Another Day, Another Post...No Seriously, An Actual Post

2010-03-29T14:42:00.005+01:00

Look, OK? I've been rather a little busy recently so stop those judging doleful eyes with which to curry my guilt for lacking of posting; I have good cause. In fact since I have been so busy it's bullet point catchy-up-o time:

Performed in a play of 'Merry Wives of Windsor' as the character 'Ford' which was basically second lead...very flattered and very enjoyable, hopefully everyone else enjoyed it the same
Performed in another student film with one of my new lovely friends...and she kept making me laugh so it's just as well we weren't performing on stage
Auditioned for 'Macbeth', shall see how that goes
Been crazy busy at work, but that seems to be dying down a little
Went to see some friends bands, Alex in 'KOSS' and Chris in 'Kabuki'. Both superb bass players in excellent bands, the former more my music but the latter very funky...though the lead singer could probably do with some work...though he was very good at his guitar
-Slept on my sofa-bed when my parents came up to visit for an evening, it's really not too comfortable...apologies if anyone has to sleep on it. Was great to see my parents, though a bit worried about my dad's health...hope he gets better soon
-Played Mass Effect 2, Lost Odyssey, Ninja Gaiden 2 and Prototype recently...all of them are completely awesome, though Ninja Gaiden 2 is tough and infuriating and prototype is incredibly fun but the scripting is atrocious (is in written script, not programming script)
My car cost me £325 recently...I need a new car that won't cost me so much
Have since watched through season 2 of 'Sons of Anarchy', season 3 of 'Burn Notice' and season 4 of 'Dexter' all are just superb as I knew they would be...'Sons of Anarchy' in particular though, if you're yet to watch it...my god...watch it
Found a new comic strip called 'MiniGames' a spin-off of another series called 'Playing the Game'. The first web comic from England that has taken my interest...but then I haven't really been looking. Noticed it after a group to try and ban Facebook fan pages that require becoming a fan to see a picture etc, was formed and I noticed a strip in there. A link to it shall appear soon enough. On another note, I hate two things lately on Facebook (along with the shitty, shitty, shit-stained crapplications), The aforementioned fan pages...and fan pages that are just a quote from something. That's not enough to basis a fan page for fuck's sake...I don't know what I hate more, the page, it's concept, the dipshit that created it, the people that join or my 'friends' that join. Makesa me so mad.
Found out the other day that 'Perry Bible Fellowship' has moved, I think it's slowly being abandoned...'tis my favourite web comic...makesa me sad
I'm slowly managing to sort my flat out and keep it clean and tidy
I'm on antibiotics for my acne which should hopefully clear it up forever
Drop D tuning on my guitar has really helped improve my versatility...need to really get around to recording songs and getting people interested in being in a band

As a result of recent time I've come to the conclusion that the following things are totally awesome:

Dexter
John Lithgow
Girls who play computer games
Sons of Anarchy
Mass Effect 2
Jake & Amir
College Humour
Sexual activity (well that's not a new thing... ... ... ...clown hat, curly hair, sad face <@:( ... ... ... ...padding to avoid smiley-parentheses confusal)

THE FALL **** - Beautiful from its conception to its masterful execution. A touching journey about the demons of a hospitalised silent movie era stuntman, the girl he befriends and the beautifully rendered story he tells her.

TRAITOR *** - A well acted and put together action film that tries to be really clever and intelligent with its moral issues but ultimately doesn't manage anything profound.

HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS *** - Decent, stylistic martial arts film that while having a slightly clichéd story, manages to take it into an unexpected direction. Not quite the happy action-er that it first appears.

THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS **** - Well put together film about the horrors of war from the perspective of a German son of a death-camp officer. The English speaking (and very well spoken at that) 'Germans' in the film are a bit jarring but this could all be an intentional statement about Nazism. I knew this film would be tough and challenging...and I still was not quite prepared for where it lead and it must be commended for that achievement.

Love
FatChan xx

An Ode to the Old Album Alumni

2010-02-25T16:58:00.001Z

I feel like I may have touched upon this subject before but something has sparked off my thought process onto it again...that something is the album 'Final Straw' by Snow Patrol. I decided to listen to it again as I haven't done in what feels like forever and found out that I still really like it. I've been put off Snow Patrol for a while after their 'Open Your Eyes' album seemed terribly bland and also I have a stupid affliction that makes me start to like bands less when they become really popular (this is very hypocritical of me in this instance since I only knew of Snow Patrol from the 'Final Straw' album). Although I have realised that this is mostly because retarded automatons who don't understand music, or can appreciate the true intricacies and talent bestowed in a lot of music, start liking it...and they appear to do so just because everyone else does. Let's face it I'm a music snob supreme, ironic since I like music that most people are snobbish against...perhaps it's the rebellious nature that I should have had as a teenager, desperately trying to be of use...I'm sure that'll pass. Anyway...where was I...yes so the point I was getting at is that it can be easy to forget how good albums were even if the bands have become rubbish and have put you off their music...albums should be treated as seperate entities at times and perhaps it should be remembered that 'the sins of the child should not be reflected upon the parents'...of course this literally only applies to music albums, in real life it's bollocks...in my eyes the parents are the stopping point for bad kids (up to probably about 18) all external influences can be controlled with decent parenting. I might get that tattooed onto my knuckles so that I can punch it into the brains of Jack Thompson, Michael Atkinson and any other dumber than shit parents who think they can pawn off the responsibility of them being more retarded at parenting than those of 'Baby P' onto external influences that do nothing to degrade society.

Perhaps that 'Baby P' reference was a little too severe, I mean those fuckers seriously deserve to get made into someone's prison bitch and then eventually be slowly dissected across the prison walls. I was just trying to get my point across...which I now realise has nothing to do with where I started this post...what a rather odd journey...but hey I help stop paedophiles...I get to say what I want.

OUTLANDER - ***: Surprisingly good sci-fi action flick set in a Viking encampment, the visuals, while good, occasionally felt out of place. Strong performances from all actors and inclusions in the cast of Ron Perlman and John Hurt...surely that's enough.

DEFIANCE - ****:Could I give it less than four stars and be happy with myself? Just as well I think it deserves it. It helps that it's a true story about three Jewish brothers who build a renegade community in the forests of to defend themselves against the Nazi's. Excellent performances all round but most notably from Jamie Bell (only as other than Billy Elliot I don't think I've seen him in anything else yet) and Liev Schreiber. Engaging, inspiring, emotional and rewarding to watch.

Pogolicious

2010-02-20T12:10:00.006Z

So I've literally just found out that Pogo has his own website finally. This is a joyous occasion as the young man is rather a fucking genius and I rather like him, as I'm sure you're already aware since a few posts barely go by without me covering him from afar in my admirational juices. But bukkake metaphors aside, if you are yet to visit or know about him then take a journey on the link below and while you're waiting for your 56K modem to respond, go and retrieve a screwdriver with which to pry out your eyes, you old-fashioned and clearly blind twat...I've been telling you to go visit and be interested in him for fucking ages, if you are this slow still then evolution will just have to leave you behind.

On other notes I've found out that I have at least two more people reading this blog than ever I realised, so welcome to you. I've also been told that I require more rage so I shall attempt for each post from now on to have 20% more rage than the leading brand of FatChan.

Gateway to Pogo goodness

The Final Revolt Against Oppression Of The Masses Gaining Back The Right To Think Like A Human Being

2009-12-23T16:11:00.003Z

"Fuck Ned, I love rage"
"Fred you cock, X-FACTOR RULEZ!"
Fred slays Ned WITH RAGE!

xx

The Honeymoon Period

2009-12-23T15:58:00.000Z

It only just occurred to me the other day that the term 'Honeymoon Period' used to describe the blissful fun times and carefree attitudes associated with when you first start 'going-out' with someone, doesn't really work.

Unless I'm mistaken (which is often the case I'll admit) the Honeymoon is the holiday you go on just after getting married...which would then assume that you've been together for rather a while (if you're sensible) and have technically gone through the 'Honeymoon Period'. I feel like we have a chicken and egg situation here! Not to mention the fact that because you've been together a while then there's no way that you're actual Honeymoon will feel like the 'Honeymoon period', it's new in that you're officially together in law (or religion if you're inclined)...but nothing else will have changed, it's no different to a regular holiday other than you might splash out more on it. ALSO what the hell does the term 'Honeymoon' even mean...honey...moon...WTF? Did the first ever one cover the moon in glorious honey to celebrate their love...wait...oh...perhaps it means...hmmm, moon=buttocks? Honey=semen? Oh dear my depraved mind has twisted this whole thing into an orgy involving a lot of gay/hetero/trans gender sexiness...I will need to take a moment to focus!

Putting The 'Fun' Back In 'Funeral'...

2009-12-02T12:43:00.002Z

...of course then you would pronounce it funneral, which sounds rather like some kind of plumbing implement. So I went to my nan's funeral yesterday and it was rather an odd experience. It's my first time going to a funeral and my first time experiencing a close family member passing. The day was inevitably filled with tears...but with a lot more laughter and dark humour than I was expecting which was a very pleasant surprise. It's a hard thing to go through as the whole day is just a mix of emotions...not least with my uncle having passed around the same time, the other side of the family must be feeling it pretty badly at the moment. Overall though I found it a very cleansing process...I was able to grieve yet laugh and see once again how strong and close our family is despite not having seen each other in a while...I guess I somewhat enjoyed the funeral, despite how oddly dark that sounds. I feel that my nan is fully at rest now and happy wherever she resides, I will miss her but I believe the mourning has passed for me and I only have good memories to look on.

Also since I seemed to have at least impressed one fellow with my last attempt at a Haiku...I thought another might be in order. I title this one "The inevitable consequences from a foolish belief of greatness"

"Fred you can't ice-skate"
"Ned, I am a skating god"
Fred 'stag leaps', hits tree

I'm thinking that if these actually are liked (given the fact that I write them completely on the fly) I might construct some form of comic around them...as that is a bandwagon I'm yet to jump upon.

Wish you all well, all two of you lovely followers xx

I Need A Project

2009-11-30T18:58:00.002Z

Music is a long term kinda deal, I feel I need a literary one to hold me over on this blog...like Mr Axl's fantastic 300 x 300 project (of which I can never match it's brilliance, he needs to make it into a book).

Perhaps an English haiku?

I call this:
"The needless retribution for possessions lost through the malpractice of intelligence"

"You stole my hat, Fred
I do find you stupid Ned
DEATH IN YOUR FACE FRED!"

Yes? No? Answers on a hamster please!

xx

Reality TV Worth Watching

2009-11-27T14:09:00.004Z

Yes I haven't posted for a while, yes I still intend to post on this blog, no I'm done apologising for the sporadic posts...I update when I can and when I want, deal with it...just know that I'm not going to fade away entirely.

I break the silence for a quick idea. After hearing some colleagues inanely chitter about IACGMOOH (If you can't decipher the acronym, it's probably for the best) with regards to the 'trials' and having just earlier read the plot for Saw VI on wikipedia (a macabre hobby of mine) it became clear that these two mediums require a good meeting, so I propose the next season of IACGMOOH (pronouncing the acronym gives the audible equivalent of how the show will make you feel) be written by all the writers for the Saw series...past and present, perhaps call it 'I'm A Celebrity, Please Test My Resolve To Be Alive And Famous With Ironic Cruelty' (or IACPTMRTBAAFWIC...try saying that without sounding so excited you can't form actual words!).

Another reason why I should own a TV Channel.

In other news last weekend witnessed the very sad passing of my nan and uncle so I am currently dealing through that, which is tough but I know that wherever they have gone they will be on a new and exciting adventure, I hope it will be to their liking, I love them very much.

The Lies Of Others

2009-09-30T14:53:00.002+01:00

So this has been a little bit sparse lately in the new posting area, this is my last chance to ensure I get one blog post a month. Not too much new stuff happening, although I'm currently on holiday in Canada and loving it very much. However having been on Facebook and wondering about a 'friend' I haven't seen/heard of for a while, I thought I'd check out their profile to see if they were ok; seems they've decided to remove me as a friend from Facebook. I don't really know why it annoys me so much, as it's rife with futility, but I think it's the fact that it was never mentioned. I would have been fine if they'd said "Sorry but I'm going to delete you as a friend as we don't know each other very well and you're not in my social clique"...seriously that would have been fine, the other way is just irksome. I shouldn't care I know, I have many other good friends who wouldn't do such a thing, I guess it's just having such a horrendous experience with being lied to in the past (which still cuts deep) it's infuriating to be lied to in any capacity. I don't have time for liars gosh darn it...they can fuck the hell off and lie themselves in an early grave.

Love and hugs

Mr Chan xx

Nothing But For The Grace Of God

2009-08-13T15:23:00.003+01:00

I don't really have a lot to say in this post, but I just saw a webcomic that made me chortle...it's what the real idea for Facebook is. Also have I ever mentioned Pogo so far? Australian ambient-dance artist? Mixes samples from movies to make beautiful musics? Your ambient silence across the interwaves leads me to believe the answer is no. Well go type him into google, myspace, youtube or whatever...you'll eventually find him. He is truly talented, truly, truly, truly talented.

Must dash...I have paedophiles to catch.

Quick muse - Are there people in the world that are ONLY turned on sexually by paedophiles? Would that make them a paedophileaphile?

xx

An Opera Composed By 'Tweets' From Twitter?

2009-08-11T14:40:00.000+01:00

Just fuck off!!

Zonkeys!!

2009-08-11T10:16:00.004+01:00

Good grief, the animal kingdom is rife with interspecies "mingling"...perhaps it's time we followed suit...no, no Gareth, don't forget that's still illegal. I may be new to this particular breed but ladies and gentlemen I give you the zonkey. Any chance you can guess which two creatures had the bed snuggles to produce this creature? No, not a zebu and a monkey...I hear they are still attempting to work out some kinks; surprisingly it was a zebra and a donkey. I obviously have no problem with this in its practice (it makes good night-time viewing) but doesn't the name strike anyone as a little bit lazy? Portmanteau words are all well and good, they do help people to know what the thing is simply through the word alone, but they've always struck me as a sign of apathy. We have such an amazing capacity for creating language...I mean every word I've written down here at some point or another in time was a brand new word, we've fared pretty well since then, surely a few new words would work; zonkey just sounds like an expression of surprise...to which end it shall be used by me.

Twitter Can Just Fuck The Fuck Off!

2009-07-28T13:44:00.002+01:00

Seriously I do not get twitter, it's just the status update from Facebook isn't it? The problem is that people on Facebook update their status in a retarded manner. Facebook has set it up so that your name precedes your comment without any delimiter so it's imperative that you create your status update in the third person else you will simply sound like a moronic cretin. Twitter doesn't even precede the message with anything, which instantly means people can put whatever they like (provided it's below the character limit). And because the character limit is quite small it just becomes a dump for random segments of conciousness, which without context are meaningless drivel. Why the fuck would anyone want to read that bullshit? You read it and are just pissed off that it either has no relevance to anything or it makes you want to know more about the situation but can't...that's all you get. It's like every article in Wikipedia being abruptly short and vague or complete nonsense...hmmmm...actually that's not terribly far off. On the subject however, if you haven't done already you must visit Simple Wikipedia, it's like the world being read to you by a five year old.

Gay Porn Isn't As Much Fun As It Used To Be

2009-07-24T10:18:00.001+01:00

Oh jeepery juju...it seems I've managed to lose the muse that kept my life ticking over, although I imagine it's debatable as to whether said muse existed in the first place. I've hit a low spot...not one where I'm depressed, more one where I just feel apathetic to everything. The drive has gone, the desire is there but the motivation to really do anything is completely lacking. Does this happen to anyone else?

I suppose I could take it as a sign that I need to take a break and get away, which is probably true...and luckily it is something that is going to be happening a bit in the upcoming months.

But I think that's it; I've got so much that feels like it needs to be addressed (moving house, going on holiday, mass cleaning to name but a few) that I think I've burnt out and have lost the desire to do anything.

On a completely separate note, I've just noticed a hair on my finger that is much longer and substantially darker than its brethren. This is something that I notice a lot of...or rather it happens very seldom but enough to be noticed; areas of hair that has one lone ridiculously long, tough and dark hair (not that area though...despite how much it is 'inspected'). Does anyone else get this...I had an eyebrow hair that was almost the length of my entire eyebrow, a nose hair that could very well have been connected to my brain. What's the point of these, what the heck causes them...one hair follicle among many that feels the need to demean its surrounding counterparts. I find it confusing...but at least it's holding my attention this morning.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNT:
-I love winning the movie quiz...and I seriously know a lot of random crap about films but fuck all about history evidently
-All suspects I see pictures of ALWAYS look like a complete douche-bag and look like they are more than capable of committing their suspected crime
-I find it almost impossible to get up at a decent time anymore...does anyone have any tips?

SOLARIS - ***: Interesting book adaptation that seems to have missed the main point a bit. Very good acting, good direction and good use of sound but feels a bit shallow.

Goodbye Old, Hello New

2009-07-20T17:58:00.000+01:00

God, that title sounds terribly cheesy and horrible...I almost want to change it but I'm now too disheartened from writing it I don't have the energy.

So Chainsaw suit is no more on my blog page...sorry Kris Straub, I have nothing against you but your comics no longer hit the macabre funny bone that I love so much. You must make way for two more comics that fill either my macabre or obscure funny vial...or both.

Lucid TV - an exceptionally dark comic about doctors.
Wondermark - a mostly obscure comic, drawn with an "North-American-Old-Westy" kinda style.

In other news...not much has happened, but I'm slowly getting my brain back in order.

Things I have learnt:
-Taekwon-do can ruin my body at the same time as making it feel better
-I have some really dark thoughts at times
-I need to stop cutting my nails so short...they fucking hurt

Love and smooks xx

P.S if you haven't already, Adam & Joe have got some songwars songs on their blog and plan to put up a load more --> Here

Under The Summer Rain, I Love The Way...You Turn Away!

2009-06-30T13:35:00.003+01:00

I've been working through a lot in my mind recently, as the last post may have helped enlighten you towards. That is somewhat the reason for my lack of posting...ironic since I know (as with the lovely help of my wonderful girlfriend) that doing so would allow enough cartharsis to help things through. But for now I shall use this space primarily for ensuring I have two posts in the month of June.

Oh and I'm thinking of removing 'Chainsawsuit' from my favourite web comics...it started off, weird, obscure and dark...it's now just kinda boring and predictable.

Things I've Learnt:
-Dollhouse is once again Joss Whedon doing what he does best, creating incredible media.
-It's the play this week, 'Much Ado About Nothing'...it's going to be great, but I'm looking forward to it being over and getting my evenings back again.
-Despite the occasional rut...I really do love my job.

Renaissance *** - Nice animation style and a cast of strong actors but weak performances, poorly constructed characters and an understated story mars an otherwise acceptable conspiracy thriller.

Part Of Me Wishes I Believed In Religion

2009-06-04T11:08:00.004+01:00

This'll be a short post...hopefully it will serve to brighten my spirits however there is a good likelihood that it will come across as whining...if you are opposed to such things I really wouldn't read this...this post is for me, self indulgence to some degree.

I feel lost...I feel like I have every negative emotion right on the brink of exploding forth from me but can't hold onto any single one and am trapped. I feel angry, sorrowful, despaired, hateful, unappreciated and useless to name but a few. I don't know the exact reasons for this blemish on my otherwise well-paced life but I have a few sneaking suspicions...however they are something I need to just sit on for a long time and just try hard to hide my current emotions, not something I'm used to doing anymore since bottling things up was one of the horrors of my previous relationship. The irony is that I feel lonely despite having a good amount of people around me and that in honesty I'm not 'lonely' enough...I want to shut myself off from the world...to have time solely on my own where I don't have to interact with anyone, I've barely had anytime to myself of late with constant working and things in the evenings taking up all my time...right now I feel miserable and I shouldn't, I have a lot of good things happening in my life currently.

I partly wish that I believe in religion so that I could feel like somebody was listening and understanding...but unfortunately I don't...well not really. So really all I have is this blog, I know writing can help with such things but am reluctant to spell everything out. I've always held the belief that diaries are written so that somebody will eventually read them...I think however that's likely a romanticism bought from extensive film and TV viewing. For this reason I treat my blog like a diary (despite my poor attendance to it) but because I know people have access I'm reluctant to print absolutely everything I'm thinking. Does this mean I should break my beliefs or risk saying things that perhaps I shouldn't say. It doesn't help that there is a very good chance that when I wake in the morning I will feel completely different...such is the way my brain works.

It has crossed my mind on the odd occasion that I may actually have some form of a mental problem that maybe prescription drugs can help rectify. That feels like such a cop-out to me and somewhat insulting to those truly in need of drugs to balance their mental state. I also, perhaps naively, think I'm stronger than that, that any mental issue I have I can fix on my own...although perhaps this highlights my inability to ask for help when I need it, unfortunately though most of the time those that I can ask are the ones that can't help.

Ok so it does feel good to get some of this off my chest...I think I need to take an entire week off work, away from everyone...hell I think I need like a month just away from everything...maybe then I can sort out the problems in my mind.

Thank you for listening...you are wonderful human beings.

xx

I've Contracted 'Blog-Apathy'...It's Like HIV But With Less AIDS

2009-05-27T12:17:00.003+01:00

So once again I've neglected this lovely place...but god dammit I will not let it slip into the vast pornographic ether that is the Internet. Some of the reason is that I've actually been super busy of late, work is busy, I'm going to be doing a part in another play soon, I've started Taekwon-do again...it kinda seems like I don't have enough hours in a day to do everything I want to do...especially when that mostly entails wanting to play computer games for literally hours upon hours. The thought I had a while ago about getting a Dictaphone to record my inner monologue at times and then transcribing straight from that is becoming a more and more satisfying endeavour...if it weren't so epically sad, even for me, I would consider it more.

In other news I've been loving Spotify to extremes, it keeps leading me onto bands I've never heard of but instantly love...anything that can broaden my horizons is a good thing, long live Spotify...if only they were available to vote for next week. Most favourably I've found a band called 'Drive-By Argument', they are a Scottish, four-piece, electro-indie/punk outfit (and have a similar sound to 'Foals')...or I should say were, they released one album then changed their name to 'Atlas Skye' and apparently their style to something more pop-rock-shitty-Coldplayish...I hope I'm proved wrong, but the dropping of the synth and electro style was a HUGE mistake...I always learn about bands or start getting into them once they've broken up or changed direction...'tis disheartening.

Enough of this, onto things I've learnt today:

Time off has properly refreshed me for work...but I still wish I had more time off to play computer games
My Xbox returned today and was left with my neighbour...I just hope I'm able to slip away upon collecting it, lest I have my ear talked off
I don't know why I EVER though 'Chipsticks' weren't just the darnedest awesomest crisps
I like to play with words and punctuation

Time For A Post...Post-Haste

2009-05-01T16:38:00.003+01:00

Hello all,

I shan't bore you too much in this update...mostly as I've got a lot to talk about and just not the time at this juncture to spew my words forth onto your eyes. So this is an interim post...mostly indeed to make you all realise I haven't gone...even though the lack of votes on my previous poll made me cry and even kicking my chained puppies of woe was not enough to lift spirits. But it's ok I'll give you all another chance. I've got some new puppies now (the others died of mysterious internal injuries...probably the swine flu)...I say puppies, they are children...but don't worry they are well looked after and I've been kind enough to only handcuff one hand to the radiator so the other is handcuffed to one of the other children's hands...that way they feel connected with somebody as I feed them their daily dog food; see aren't I kind?

Anywho I thought I'd put up a new poll and give you a review I did a while ago. In my effort for perfecting them I have included a star rating out of five and a one line review before the main review...we shall see how it works out.

For now, I love you all, goodbyes.

xx

THE NIN9S - ***: Strong performance by Reynolds and a curious story, but lacks impact.

An interesting film starring Ryan Reynolds playing three different characters somehow linked together. It's pitched as a psychological thriller/horror which is like saying that "Sweeney Todd" is a period drama. Despite the poorly matched genre the film itself plays very well, Reynolds truly is a very good actor in my opinion and can easily match comedic scenes with equally well grounded dramatic ones. The story plays around with aspects of reality and characters in different settings eventually bringing everything together to a comfortable end. And while not ground-breaking in its conclusion it does try to tie things together, which is nice in a time when ambiguity seems to be the simpler option.

Oh Yeah And...

2009-04-02T15:57:00.004+01:00

Thanks for that one crazy (and retarded by own admission) person who voted on my last poll...tragically you keep me going, having no votes would make me cry...and not in my pants.

A new poll is up, no real surprise to its topic.

Enjoy!

xx

Who Watches The Watchmen? Anyone Who Wants To See A Fucking Good Movie!

2009-04-02T15:11:00.003+01:00

I'll keep this mostly short since as you can tell by my title you already know the topic and my feelings on it. Yes Watchmen was so supremely fantastic, I'm not really sure how my pants stayed dry...not to mention how excited I was just from some of the trailers (Terminator looks even more awesome the more I see and X-Men Origins: Wolverine actually looks like it'll be a really good film...it has fucking Gambit in it...fucking GAMBIT...awesome!).

I've not read the graphic novel as I wanted to see the film first...my theory being that the film might ruin the book but the book can't ruin the film. What I can't understand is the negative comments people have to say about the movie; it seems this film has really divided viewers and critics alike. There's no middle ground, I think you either love it or hate it. I can understand if the problem was that it was nothing like the novel and played fast and loose with the characters, story etc. I could also understand if they'd tried to pave over the darkness and violence in order to make it more mainstream; but from what I saw last night and what I've heard from friends...neither of things occur. One of the only real reason I've heard for people not liking it, other than just simply saying they don't like it blah blah blah, is that they don't understand it. What, the, fuck? Seriously it wasn't a difficult film to follow, it really wasn't...yes it switched between eras and character backstories frequently but I think it was well executed and easy to follow.

I can't recommend seeing this film enough. It is by far the best comic book movie ever made and possibly the best film I've seen since Serenity. It's dark, brutal, funny, tragic, life-affirming, inspirational and wonderfully violent. Everything that I love to see in comic book adaptations and films in general. I can't wait to read the novel...if the film is as close to the novel as friends say it is, then I understand why it is heralded as the greatest graphic novel of all time...it deserves its praise.

Faustus' End Be Such

2009-03-24T15:18:00.001Z

So it is finally over...all the work from the past couple of months paid off in droves and it was a wonderful production...I truly feel honoured to have been involved with it all and for everyone involved to have so lovingly welcomed me into the fold; I whole-heartedly look forward to the next time I am able to act. My parents came up on Friday to watch the production and say they loved it, I promised to take them out for lunch as it was Mother's Day on the Sunday and my dad's birthday at the end of the month. We went to a carvery not far from where I live and can you believe it was £3.50 for lunch. £3.50? It's crazy and the food was honestly really good, I shall be making an appearance to that location once again. It was great seeing my parents especially after my dad's health scare...he's looking very well and things look well for the future I must say. Other than this I had a wonderful time with my girlfriend this weekend, she is truly remarkable and was so kind to me when I was being a bit of a prat.

Ok, I should be doing other things that are likely more important but I should very much finish off with my overdue film reviews:

BE KIND REWIND
I wanted to see this film for a very long time as soon as I heard about the premise. It's a wonderfully quirky and heart-warming comedy about two friends, one of whom gets his head accidentally magnetized and wipes all the videos in the video store the other works at. To not get in trouble with their boss they choose to re-shoot the films people want themselves. It's loveable, has Michel Gondry's style and care stamped all over it and is genuinely funny without ever feeling over-the-top, given its subject matter. Another good point is that all the extras and small characters were played by people that actually live in the area they filmed in...thus helping the community feeling really come alive; I recommend this to everyone.

THE THREE BURIALS OF MELQUIADES ESTRADA
Again this was another film I'd wanted to see for a long time...and it wasn't quite what I expected; again going to show that you really can't rely on trailers outside of the cinema. It follows a man (Tommy Lee Jones) who finds out his friend from Mexico has been killed by a border patrol guard. Since the state won't release his body he goes on a mission to lay penance on the guard and keep the promise to his friend, to bury him in his hometown, close to his family. The film takes interesting walks through the lives of the characters involved and happily plays with your pre-conceptions of them; you are never sure who you care about more and the question of whether this journey is a just one or not is constantly presented. The film has some nice surprises and leave you thinking hard about it after it has finished. This is yet another film of Tommy Lee Jones that is proof that he is a very fine actor and a good director to boot. An interesting film that I am happy to recommend.

ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW
Ok so I've probably not been too clear with my past two reviews...that is because in all honesty I've been waiting to review this film...it completely blew me away, in ways I never imagined. Finally I've found a quindy film that works on every level (I say finally, there are plenty of others out there that work...but truly not as well as this in my eyes). Written by, directed by and starring Miranda July, it is a simple tale of love...in its most basic sense but expands to so much more. The first thing that's noticed in the film is the score. I've often mentioned how important the score is to a film and this film proves it beyond measure. I found myself aching after the music because it touched me so well; it heightened every mood and emotion of the scene it was covering...it genuinely felt like I could feel it in my soul. I plan, once I have the necessary funds, to purchase the soundtrack as it's worth it beyond measure. Written by Michael Andrews who had composed the score for "Donnie Darko", he has clearly been expertly guided by July to ensure that every note and sound fits the part of the story it's been conceived for. It's nigh impossible to talk about the story without referencing the score as well as it plays such an important role but the film is sad, joyous, funny, strange, somewhat unnerving and heart-warming in all the places you want it to be. Again fuelled by the music, it manages to get extreme feelings...case-in-point there is a scene involving a goldfish that is possibly the most emotional scene I think I've ever witnessed in a movie...possibly because of the subject matter which made it feel more intense...it has to be seen to be understood. I feel like I could ramble about this film for pages upon pages, but the simple fact is that it is a beautiful, poetic and wonderful film that has touched my very core. I can't believe it came out four years ago and I never heard anything about it, despite it winning various awards. I recommend this film with every fibre of my being and I shall be watching sharply for anything being conceived by Ms July in future...fucking superb!

Right finally I'm up-to-date...now I can watch the two films I have out at the moment and then those can be happily reviewed...I still think I'm not getting my point across, I'm not very good at making things to the point...I need to work on this.

Take care of yourselves lovely beings, I miss you all.

xx

S'blood, He Speaks Terribly!

2009-03-20T12:38:00.004Z

Okay, so we are now two showings of the play down and another two to go..and they've been excellent. We've had very good receptions from both, even though people were stifling their laughs on the opening night as they thought it might be inappropriate...despite obvious comical scenes. Hopefully tonight shall be even better than the last two and my parents are coming also, so I hope they are impressed. Nowt else has happened so far so onwards I go to a couple of film reviews while I procrastinate on other things:

IN THE VALLEY OF ELAH
Strong performances and interesting subject matter about a man trying to find his son who is missing from his time in Iraq. Tommy Lee Jones plays the lead and once again validates the idea that he is a truly fine and underused actor. His performance of an army veteran searching for his lost son was truly moving despite the majority of his role being quite reserved and quiet. Charlize Theron was also very good in her role but despite everything the film had going for it...to me it was ruined by one moment. Throughout the whole film the score was excellent and fitted each mood wonderfully without being too invasive...until the last few scenes where suddenly vocals appeared, heavily, over the last track and it completely ruined the moment. I've never seen such a poor display of poor music choice and everything was going so well...I was very disappointed. It proved to me that the score in a film is paramount and can make or break a film. In conclusion...great film, but the song at the end ruins the mood...my advice, turn off the sound in the last few scenes...it would be a perfect ending to the film from a score point of view.

ROCKET SCIENCE
Another one of these indie/arthouse/quirky/comedy/drama type flicks...does anybody know what genre these fit into? Else I might just call them Quindy films. Anyway it follows a schoolboy with a serious difficulty in speaking (appearing to be due to lack of confidence mostly) who is 'recruited' by the leader of the debate society to be a key speaker. The plot is fairly interesting and performances are very good indeed with witty and sharp dialogue, leading to genuinely funny moments. The problem with the film (and what appears to be a general quindy trait) is that it never really goes anywhere. I get the feeling that films such as this are supposed to not go anywhere and that's part of their charm...but I'm not buying it. I don't want much, I enjoy films that nothing really happens in, but I want a conclusion to something at the end...no matter how small...otherwise I feel somewhat cheated, it's like the feeling when you're just about to sneeze, which lasts for ages...only to be disappointed by the lack of one afterwards. Perhaps Kevin Smith put it best in a quote I heard recently while talking about "I, Robot"..."It's like a beautiful woman giving you the best head in the world but then just at the end pulling away and finishing you off so you just go all over your torso"...that about sums it up really...but maybe, as I said, I just don't get it. Very good film otherwise.

Right two down, three to go...and I've still had another two through the door, need to keep my game up. Wish me luck for tonight and I shall see you soon.

xx

A true insight into a childhood program...

An Update For The Masses

2009-03-18T14:42:00.010Z

Ahhh hello, so yes here as I promised is a brief synopsis of the world of me and more importantly what's been happening in it in recent times...here we go:

I have been incredibly busy at work and with Faustus and this is the reason I haven't updated more frequently
Incidentally it is also opening night tonight for the play and it's going to be awesome...I'm only a little nervous, I hope the nerves don't last too long
My dad is doing well now, was a scare for us all but it is looking to have a silver lining and he exclaims he shall take it as a sign to live healthier...which can't be a bad thing
I've had a few tough times where my mind has made me go a bit mad, everything got on top of me all at once and I couldn't cope; I had my first ever panic attack
My girlfriend has been more than wonderful and looked after me in ways I can't fathom...just talking with her can alleviate all my pains...but I think I may be getting a mite addicted...shit she's actually like morphine...is this good or bad. Crap, well, I'm completely addicted to my girlfriend either way
I'm yet to see 'Watchmen' but shall likely do so next week...once I have free time again
My parents are coming to see Faustus on Friday which will be great to see them
I can't believe I've actually been too busy to play games anymore...I honestly never thought I'd get to that state...is this sign of me getting old

And that so far is the lot...that I can think of...if anymore comes to mind then I shall let y'all know.

The movie reviews are coming, I've seen a few recently and all should be reviewed so my next post shall be of the following films:

In The Valley Of Elah
Be Kind Rewind
Rocket Science
The Three Burials Of Melquiades Estrada
Me And You And Everyone We Know

Stay tuned, and stay loved,

xx

Interlude - Part 2

2009-03-17T13:04:00.003Z

Hey all, a quick message yo let you all know that this place is not deserted...I've had so much on lately I've barely had a chance to breathe...turns out that's more important than you might think. A longer post shall shortly follow and allow for more insight into my goings on including about four movie reviews that I've seen recently.

Otherwise for now I shall leave you, but just so you all know my dad is doing very well, he's on leave at home taken very well earned resticles...thank you for your kind words.

Ok, updates shall occur shortly,
Love and bybes,

xx

Interlude

2009-02-25T16:13:00.002Z

I was going to write a new post today but half way through I received a phone-call stating my father had a heart attack this morning...apparently he's ok and doing well in hospital but I shall postpone my entry until a later time.

x

They're Back!

2009-02-20T00:08:00.004Z

Blink-182 are officially reformed...as it turns out my life is quite honestly getting better and better. When I hear news of Reuben reforming then I know I will have reached Nirvana...the place rather than the band.

I hope being in Nirvana won't infringe on my close-times with my girlfriend.

It is a good day for fellow followers of punk.

The Apathy Of The Apothecary

2009-02-18T13:45:00.005Z

No the title doesn't mean anything, I just liked the way it sounded in my head...I may use it as a song title though, I like needlessly long and pretentious titles.

So Valentine's Day has passed and 'twas the most wonderful weekend I think I've had for a very long time and certainly the most enjoyable Valentine's Day I've ever had. And while I had a great time and once again confirmed in my mind just how much my girlfriend means to me, I was painfully aware of how some people very much weren't enjoying theirs. In particular one friend of mine was broken up with the night before Valentine's; that's just fucking not on! Ok I understand that if things weren't perhaps going that well then Valentine's Day could be the final straw of realisation that things need to end...but seriously the night before Valentine's Day? Any other day in the calender would be better than that day...the person in question is a complete jerk and certainly doesn't deserve the attention of my friend...I hope they know they have good friends and are able to start feeling better really soon...I am exceptionally grateful that I have found someone so wonderful to be my girlfriend...I didn't really think it was going to be possible.

The play I'm due to 'star' in, is only one month away from being on, which is kinda nerve-racking; but I'm loving rehearsals, it's going to be very busy from now on in terms of that. I urge all who are nearby to come and watch the play when it's on, it shall be a wonderful event. I shall post times and prices when I know more.

I saw the film 'Mystic River' the other day and I intend to try and concisely review it...as I feel my film reviews need a lot of work and should be more to the point...so here it is:

MYSTIC RIVER
Interesting, gritty and somewhat predictable in a good way. Excellent performances from all involved and it once again proves in my mind that Clint Eastwood has an excellent eye for direction. It follows three school friends, who befell a tragedy in their youth, re-united when one of their daughters is found dead. So the story is set as a murder/mystery/crime affair and as mentioned some points are predictable but it doesn't detract from it's enjoyment. It's a nice, safe film, it's good but doesn't break any new ground or try anything particularly interesting; it is however nice to see the genre done correctly and to high standard, so for that it should readily be commended. My only gripe is that the soundtrack didn't seem to suit the film. Much of the score seemed too light and happy given the subject matter it was being played over.

Darn that wasn't concise at all, maybe I should give myself a word limit, like two sentences or something...has that already been done? Two sentence film review? I may try it out and see how it goes. Oh and thanks for your votes in the poll your lovely two people, another is up, please keep voting...it helps feed my children...

Things I Have Learnt Today:

Sometimes I can be a complete klutz
I love and miss the band "Reuben" and truly hope it's former members can re-unite or form different, equally incredible bands
If you write the acronym "lol" after every sentence it is extremely creepy...which leads me to wonder...are all paedophiles creepy?

This also made me splurt out laughter today:

Poodles and chickletons

xx

The Valentine Spy

2009-02-13T13:31:00.003Z

So tomorrow is a big day in the "couples' calendar" (which was able to sneak up on me very quietly)...the day we remember St. Valentine is upon us. Except that, if I am correct in my readings, St. Valentine referred to more than one martyred saint (oh by the way I get my knowledge from Wikipedia by the way...and yes it does have good facts for the most part...studies have been done...possibly by Wikipedia, but I'm sure that's irrelevant) who, from people's best knowledge had little or nothing to do with love/lovers and the celebration of the fact. In fact, according to my sources (Wikipedia), their patronage includes the following things:

Affianced couples
Against fainting
Bee keepers
Happy marriages
Love
Plague
Epileptics

I definitely think there is a gap in the market for the "I love you some much you give me epileptic fits" or "I love you even though you are covered in bees" (Eddie Izzard reference). Basically the long winded point that I'm trying to get to is that I don't like Valentine's Day or rather how commercialism has turned it to a farce. Saying that I probably never would have liked Valentine's Day since it's so steeped in religious things that I have no interest or favour towards. I think my disdain for the day has come from being single for the majority of my adolescent life so, as for many single people, Valentine's Day just becomes another day the whole world turns round, points, laughs then kicks you in the crotch for good measure. I don't really want an excuse to buy my significant other gifts and I certainly never expect gifts. This all said however, I am very much looking forward to tomorrow. I never expected to have someone to be with this Valentine's Day and was 'looking forward' to a miserable day...just like the old days...but I not only have someone, she is the most incredible girl I could have wished for...like the girl from Weird Science who is essentially the two protagonists' dream girl and more; that's her...but mine is more beautiful. So in short, Valentine's Day is one of the many commercialised holidays of the year, while others I enjoy (Easter for example...I mean who doesn't like getting a hit load of chocolate for no real reason...and don't give me that Christian bullshit about eggs and new birth etc...this is chocolate...CHOCOLATE, it's got fuck all to do with the actual meaning of the holiday...but I do love chocolate (Cadbury's only though, the other eggs just don't really taste right to me (I won't mention their names so that if Mr Cadbury (Yohan I believe his name is) is reading I may get loads of chocolate sent my way (Oh crap I've got lost in a maze of parentheses, I don't know how many to close, need to count back.)))) Ok I think that's got it, if anyone get's to the end of this post but feels a seizure coming on due to the lack of a closing parenthesis, let me know. Where was I...yes commercialised holidays, yep Valentine's day goes on the same side of the fence as my opinion on the 'Bonfire Night'...although far enough away so as not to get brutally slain by the outrage and logicality of my inner sanctum...I hate 'Bonfire Night' and all it stands for...perhaps that is another post for another date. However I am eternally grateful to have found someone incredible for this Valentine's Day; despite my disdain for the day...tomorrow will be one of my happiest.

Things I have Learnt Today:

Bachelors Cup-A-Soups are surprisingly delicious if you get the right ones
It's hard not to procrastinate on a Friday
I said the words "Valentine's Day" eight times in this post (including the one I've just mentioned)

Heart-cookies and Frogs
xx

It's All About The Funnies

2009-02-10T21:52:00.005Z

So this weekend was a bit of a rollercoaster in my brain. I've been having the inklings of a migraine for the last week and it finally blew up on Friday night, making me feel lousy and not really wanting to do anything. This progressed into Saturday and progressively got worse, thus ensuring my planned productive day was spent largely in bed. I also discovered on this day that my OCD is perhaps worse than I originally realised. I've been really busy lately, which is strange for sure, and as such had allowed my flat to get progressively untidy and I was too lazy to fix it. At the same time I was starting to feel funny, strange and a bit moody...not my usual emotional happenings. It wasn't until I finally got the motivation to beginning tidying my flat that I immediately started to feel better; like quite literally I was smiling, had more energy and felt positive. It seems that tidiness and my well being are more potently linked than I first assumed. With that out the way, Saturday night was progressing fairly well...though I was getting infuriated with some music editing, as my computer needs an upgrade...until my neighbour called round late asking for help with her DVD/HDD player thingy. She's a lovely lady and it was no problem to help, but she's fairly lonely and despite my feeble tryings I end up listening to her for ages; it really ate up my evening. I wouldn't mind except I'm usually a very private person when I'm at home and I also tend to plan my evenings out in my head (subconciously) and if that plan gets changed I get irked somewhat. Still I fixed her DVD thing and eventually got back in to which I pretty much went straight to sleep.

Sunday was far, far, far more enjoyable as I had the pleasure of the beautiful and wondrous Cathleen to grace my day. Since we've been going out, I've been cooking dinner for her every Sunday and I try each week to attempt something I've never done before...this week was my most ambitious: Homemade bean burgers on homemade wholemeal rolls served with homemade chips, followed by lemon cheesecake and strawberries. Overall a wondrous success, the only real failing was the rolls being a bit too hard...and the fact it took about 4 hours from first preparation to finally eating something. The cheesecake was gorgeous and awesome, it looked great and I can't believe how simple it was...I whole heartedly have James Martin to thank for that. During this night Cathleen had long talks and even longer glances...it just felt wonderful, I feel completely captivated by her...it all seems too magical to really be real at the moment...even at this stage.

Yesterday I had my first rehearsals which were awesome. I was a bit nervous to start with but soon relaxed once I started going over some lines with one of the other parts. When we finally got to the acting out the scene part I loved it, completely loved it and really felt more into the character. I foolishly forgot to bring my pen but I scribbled madly on my script when I got home, it felt great to write the notes. I am loving every moment of this new area of my life that has been opened to me by such a remarkable woman.

Today I realised just how important comedy is to me. I've already waxed lyrical about "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" but everytime I think of it, it makes me laugh out loud. It is so good that I need to spread the word around about it...like a cult, but with more fun. I also tend to forget just how funny Adam & Joe's podcast is...and recently it has been extended which is a definite boon. I was listening to it on the way home and laughing hysterically...here's hoping the general public keep their filthy, disease ridden hands away from this podcast and allow me my weekly funnies.

Thank you for your votes on my poll, another is up, please keep voting, it makes me think I'm wanted :)

Things I Have Learnt Today:

I can be as productive as needs be, I just sometimes need to give myself a kick
I need to stick to a regime of cleaning my flat each night
If I don't write a budget soon and stick to it...things are going to get messy

Oh I also saw this comic the other day and laughed out loud for a good while...

xxx

Editors...

2009-02-06T17:26:00.001Z

They are basically Joy Division right? So why do I like them and not Joy Division?

Updatisms

2009-02-06T13:28:00.002Z

Thank you one person for your contribution to my poll, as you have requested I have changed the position of the 'You Make Me Do This' comic and it sits nicely, you opinion is most valid. I've added a new poll and have also changed the domain name of this blog...as I want to entice people to it and the old one could be misread to imply I was talking about my aspirations of sex...which might put some off. I'm hoping that blogspot shall update the areas that need it, but if it doesn't please make note of the new one...

Love & byes x

Good Old British Cheer...

2009-02-06T09:32:00.002Z

So another day has come and it was a wonderful morning full of crazy blizzardy snow. However instead of marvelling in how lovely everything looked all I could hear on the park & ride bus to work was some girl complaining about the weather. SWEET PYGMY FUCKING JESUS!!! Is there nothing the British public won't complain at. Jeepers, we have one of the most interesting weather systems in the world. We can have cold winters and hot summers, the weather can be snowing one moment, to sunny then raining then windy...all in one day. How is that just not supremely awesome? Fact is we can't change the weather, so just enjoy it's splendor and you'll feel all the better for it, I gaurantee you. Personally I think it's quite fun driving in the snow...I mean it's snow not ice...it's not exactly fucking hard to see, so you are aware of it and then should be driving in response to it...i.e. cautiously, low revs, high gears! It's only dangerous when you're driving like a maniac...there is no rush to get places, people understand if you're late...they can fucking see it's snowing. Of course I understand if you literally are snowed in or just simply can't get your car through a patch...that's reasonable, what I don't find acceptable are those people who have clearly made it through ok but then just constantly complain...I don't know maybe it's just me...because I actually fucking LOVE the weather of Britain...it's one of the few things left that actually makes this country a good place.

Oh on a completely seperate but more infuriating note are the graphical nonsense that resides at www.chick.com. I believe I'd been exposed to this shit before but had certainly not taken in the gravity of how utterly disgusting it is. It is the most racist, sexist and facist thing I have ever witnessed and what is it promoting? Evangelism! Please do check it out and you'll see how seriously disgusting it is, to the point of hilarity. I just checked the most recent one as others I'd checked were from the early 90s and wanted to see if it was still going...and it is. The latest story? The pope's dead but it turns out Catholicism is evil; all priests molest children (well ok I'm not a fan of Catholicism but this is still a bit harsh) and the vatican is the same as the empire of rome...which was of course ruled by Satan as is the Catholic faith. The worst part in my mind? Satan is depicted in the usual sterotypical fashion, bloated, horns, goatee, pointed tail etc etc, but the dickhead who vomits this onto the page references Satan as 'her'. I truly hate sexism, as with racism...it's foundless and ridiculous nonsense and I'm concerned for the well-being of any woman that actually follows this shit...and unfortunately there are bound to be some.

If I should ever have the delight of meeting this braindead fuckwit I shall gladly crucify him for as long as his miserable existence will allow.

Ok perhaps enough rage for the time being...onwards to brighter and happier things dear fellows.

xx

Things I Have Learnt Today:

It is getting increasingly hard to get out of bed of late
I think I lose faith in the human species each day
I'm going to buy myself a suit and new shoes before long

The Snow In My Pants Is More Exciting...

2009-02-05T16:00:00.004Z

Oh happy wondrous, lovely day of happiness. Nope I couldn't care less about the snow, I mean seriously it's not uncommon for Britain to actually get snow, we're easily far enough from the equator for it, nope my utter excitement comes from having just purchased some tickets to go see the master of wonder himself, Eddie Izzard, in concert this November. I'm literally buzzing, it is fabulously exciting...I may have made a white wee-wee.

Other than this the last few days have been marvellous. The play reading on Monday was great and I'm getting more and more excited about rehearsals and the play itself. My first rehearsals are next Monday and it's going to be great. I also watched the film 'The Squid & The Whale' which is reviewed briefly below.

On Tuesday work was fairly standard we were all happy about the snow; yes my flippant comment earlier was perhaps misleading, I love snow...but I was expecting it at some point and it's not like I've never seen it before. That evening was my obligatory games evening which was great although we were only a happy few, and it was for a short while.

Then Wednesday I took the beautiful Cathleen out to Cafe Rouge where we had a lovely meal. I always find it strange, everytime I go out for a meal we usually get there about 8ish and almost always end up leaving a bit before the place closes. Does anyone else ever stay this long? It always seems like every other couple in the restaurant are in a rush or something and many come and go in the time that I'm there. Anyway I had a great evening with my girlfriend but got outrageously tired, when I went home I practically collapsed into bed and decided to have a long lie-in this morning. It made me feel better somewhat but I still feel a bit tired...it might be a lack of iron...perhaps I need some vitamins.

Nothing much has happened today, just work as usual, purchased some Eddie Izzard tickets, had a good chat with a friend I'd not spoken to in a little while and am off to pick up the lovely Cathleen a bit later after work...all that's left I think then is the film review and my daily learnings...

THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
A curious film that I liked but was not blown over by. It falls into the category of indie films, that have come out recent years, that are quirky in their nature. While funny and quite interesting I just don't think I 'got' it. It didn't blow me over as I was expecting, the story was nicely portrayed about a husband and wife beginning separation and how as a result they've fucked up their kids. The characters were good and it had funny moments on occasion but the story didn't really go anywhere...it seemed that that was the point but it just didn't 'do' anything for me and seemed to just wash over me. I find it hard to recommend as it just didn't make an impression...watch it if you think it sounds interesting...maybe you'll get more out of it than I did.

Things I Have Learnt:

Headaches are very hard to get rid of it seems
It is ALWAYS worth looking elsewhere for tickets to things; Eddie Izzard tickets were £64 on one website and £34 on another.
I need some new shoes, I have a big crack in the sole of one and it got very wet from all the slush.

Kiwi Fruits...

2009-02-02T17:47:00.002Z

Gorgeous little beasts but why the hell are they so messy to eat?..

I Am Wrath And I Broke My Resolution Already

2009-02-02T12:39:00.004Z

Yes, so I didn't end up making a post yesterday...though I feel I was largely justified as I had a busy morning and spent the rest of the day with my girlfriend which was beautiful...and I'm writing one now...perhaps I should amend my resolution to say that I'll update every couple of days at least...I think that sounds more likely.

I do have some wonderful news in that I passed the auditions for the play and have four parts within it...that's right four...it's a large character list but not quite enough cast members to fill it. I'm beyond excited and can't wait to start rehearsals...we are reading through the script tonight, playing our prospective parts and am fully excited by this too. I've been lovingly accepted into the fold of the institute to which I am most grateful...now we shall see whether or not I can actually act.

Other news, I have received my cat back from her holiday home...I think she is excited about the snow, but still thinks it's too cold outside...silly cats. I made hollandaise sauce last night as part of a meal and it was delicious...first time I've ever attempted it, I'm surprised I didn't screw it up...my cooking is vastly improving...I have my wondrous girlfriend to thank for that (as she is someone well worth cooking for). I also picked up my new prescription for my acne...hopefully this extended course will FINALLY help rid me of this hex...the next step apparently has REALLY nasty side-effects, the doctor (as in my GP not of that shitty 'Who' variety) seemed more than a little unwilling to suggest it.

Ummm...yes, well that's actually about it...funny I was expecting a lot more to be said but seems like I've summed it all up quite nicely...then I shall leave you folks be for now and speak very soon indeed...

Love & bugs

Things I have Learnt:

Blackadder II is as funny today as it was when it was made over 22 years ago...yes 22!
I am crazy about my girlfriend (yes I do intend to keep saying it)
I have three more months than I realised, interest free, on my Argos Credit Card

They Told Me It Was A 96 Minute Film!

2009-01-31T23:18:00.004Z

Good evening all, I was shocked to learn the current time and was coming close to breaking my new blog resolution already...this was all down to the film 'The Fountain' which I've just finished watching. My verdict on the film? Very good...although it has left me feeling a bit empty. The reason for this is some of the somewhat depressing nature of the story and although it perhaps isn't entirely meant in that sense...that's what I've managed to take from it...perhaps that's a sign of some of the inner turmoil that still resides. The film is directed and written by Darren Aronofsky (from 'Pi', 'Requiem For A Dream' and more recently 'The Wrestler' fame) and is superbly done so, I enjoy his playful and somewhat surreal style...but he does seem to have a fixation on the depressive based on what I've heard about his other films. Other than the direction the score was beautiful and helped cohere the very distinct elements. Also amazing was some of the visual effects, such as the close ups of the dying star and nebula, which were not CGI but 'macro-photography' involving, in this instance, chemical reactions in a petri dish filmed at very close range. The results are astounding and give a whole new feel to the sequences in which they are used...allowing the nebula and dying star to truly be organic.

My reasons for 'mislaying' the time as it were was due to the film knocking a few rounds out of my emotions and in an effort to regain my composure I watched the special features (Something I ALWAYS advocate, it is so easy to not truly appreciate the effort that goes into film-making. Especially with prosthetics and make-up, in a digital age where almost everything can be made with CGI it's easy to assume that everything is CG but the reality can sometimes be astounding) and before I knew it it was half-eleven. Anyway in conclusion I recommend the film, but only to those who have someone they love dearly in their life, preferably watch it with them...just a suggestion.

The earlier portions of my day were largely uneventful however I did meet with my beautiful girlfriend earlier and I auditioned for a role in her uni's upcoming production of 'Dr Faustus'. It was really good fun, I've not attempted acting since I was about 10 I imagine and I was sure I was rubbish. I have no idea if I will get a part but would certainly love to, it is a completely new and exciting chapter of life to delve into. Other than this I did some food shopping to finally stock up my dwindling supplies and I have discovered a distinct love for putting away grocery shopping, seeing an empty fridge/cupboard etc being re-stocked is a wondrous joy and organising it into sections helps quell my OCD beast.

Oh on another completely unrelated note I fucking LOVE 'Primark' - yesterday I bought three pairs of jeans, three cardigans, three shirts, two ties and three pairs of boxer shorts for around £50...it's insane, I just wish there was one nearer to me, the closest one that is decent I think it Oxford...oh well looks like I'll have to make a trip down again before long.

For now that is all I have to report for today, I shall inform of the results of my audition when I myself know...I leave you with things I have learnt today (a feature in need of a come back).

Love & big kisses.

Things I Have Learnt:

I'm having great difficulty in thinking of anything other than my girlfriend
Darren Aronofsky is set to direct the next 'Robocop' film (think 'Robocop Begins') due out 2010
I need to work on my time keeping

An Update? The Unlikelyhood Of It May Have Already Begun The Rapture.

2009-01-29T14:09:00.008Z

OK OK OK, yes it's been fucking forever since I last updated this blog and a whole bunch of nonsense and happenstance has occurred in the theatrical endeavour that is my existence; some strange, some very much not so good and some so good my brain pooped itself a little bit. So rather than go on and on and on about it all, which will inevitably bore you...and I, I shall bullet point and, for once in my literary life, try to be succint. But first a very brief explanation to what happened between my ex and I causing the break-up and disbanding of friendship:

She was fucking our boss while we both worked at GAME...for two weeks, practically flaunting it in my face...only my overly trusting nature and naivity stopped me from realising it
We tried to rebuild but it didn't take...things had got too fucked up
She immediately went back to 'The Cunt' for a while (after promising me she would never get back with him)She lied about this (despite my begging for her to just tell me the truth no matter what, lying makes it all so much worse) but supposedly stopped seeing him a while after
We tried to stay friends but I found eventually she was back with him (through asking, no way would she have given the info voluntarily) and I couldn't handle it so said I couldn't be her friend...then I cried a LOT
She said she's just started seeing him...I found from a friend a few days after, they'd been together for over a month and she had moved in with him
She's a cunt and fucked me over completely...there are SO many bad things that happened that should have been warning signs...trouble is I loved her too muchShe can now burn in hell, I can never trust her again

Right that did indeed help me to feel better, I think that's enough vitriol for this hour of the day, if you'd like to know more you'll have to ask but ONWARDS, to mostly good times:

I have my cat back living with me
I went to see my first live play in about 10 years...it was awesome
I subesquently met the most perfect women that I think exists who was starring in the play
I have a new car
I went to see my parents for christmas and met a couple of good friends I hadn't seen for years
Work is still going fabulously well
I have done some design alterations to this here blog, I hope you like them and if you spot anything that looks bad let me know
I am now going out with aforementioned actress/student and it is so incredible it doesn't feel real
I'm slowly getting my finances in order
Work is going great
I'm going to start doing Tae-Kwon-Do again soon
For the most part at the moment I am happy, especially when with my most beautiful girlfriend
I'm going to audition for a role in a play soon, which is most exciting

So there it is; a quick summary of the past few months or so and things that have been going on in my brain. May I thank you all (3 or so I believe) for not abandoning this place and asking for my return (Secret Squirrel you are indeed a sweetheart...probably best without the beard I'd say, so no fears). I promise (yes I've said that before) to make this blog more active in the future, an update a day...it's a promise, even if I have nothing at all worth saying...time to get addicted to blogging...

Fun fun update coming soon (The first part of that was sarcastic)!

2008-11-11T09:25:00.002Z

Good day to you all, Just wanted to say that this place has not been abandonded, I've just been going through a really rough time but I shall make an update properly sometime soon. Right now however there are peadophiles that need a catchin'.

Love you all, especially those with beards!

xx

The Cunt!!

2008-09-16T10:08:00.002+01:00

Ok so here begins my most hateful post yet. This is more than just rage, this is literally pure hatred and believe me when I tell you that I'm not a hateful person. I am someone who is usually too quick to forgive and too trusting of others but there is one cunt in this universe who I hate more than anything else in life.....even more than this peadophile scumbag whose computer I'm currently examining....in my eyes this man is worse than any other primordial slime that is out there in the real world. My view may be heavily bias since this man has done me personal wrong as opposed to some of the horrific people out there and through history, but I don't care.....he is the one person, the one thing that I truly hate. His name is "Charles Culling" and I wish that fucking cunt was dead!!! I don't actually want to state exactly what he's done.....though I would imagine most people reading this (and by most I mean Axl, as I'm mostly certain he is the only one reading this.....yet I still refer to him in the third person......I like the third person) may be able to figure it out.....as I'm not wanting to air my dirty laundry for the whole world to see......not yet anyway!! But basically this cunt betrayed me, I thought that he was a friend and he did the worst possible thing I can think of that any 'friend' could do. It makes me glad to think that Hell has a special circle just for those who have betrayed others...........I hope he's very happy there. As much as I hate religion, I would happily follow it knowing he was going directly to Hell.....do not pass go, do not collect your soul....enjoy having your flesh flayed from your living bones while the devil fucks your eye sockets with his razor sharp, searing hot cock!

I don't want to hurt many people in this world.....as those who actually know me will know I'm a pacifist. But this guy desperately makes me want to wrap my hand around his throat, choking the life out of him...while digging my nails behind his trachea such as to cut the skin enough so I can force my fingers behind it and rip it from his neck....then I get to watch him slowly gasp and wheeze before suffocating (I admit my scientific knowledge on how this would actually kill him.....or even it it would may well be innacurate, I make no claims for accuracy just what I'd enjoy!). Would I actually do this if we were to meet? Unlikely, because essentially I'm a pussy, this man, while shorter than I is a fat cunt and would likely win should there be a fight (nothing a large knife wouldn't fix though)! More than that though, at heart I am actually a decent person unlike this waste of valuable oxygen and anyone who says otherwise can severely fuck the hell off, I don't even give a shit what you think of me, you cunt! I whole-heartedly admit that I'm no saint, I've done bad things....things I'm ashamed of but they severely pale in comparison to what he's done and it's more than clear that he has no remorse for it and when I occasionally see him and I in the same picture, looking happy I might add, it makes me feel like I'm on fire that I was such a complete fucking idiot that I didn't see what he was and what he was doing. I fucking hope that man gets aids! I suppose the one advantage to him still being alive is that I get to constantly fantasise about different ways of killing him....that can at least make me smile through my rage. But if he were to get run over or some such, I guarantee there shall be no tears shed for him.....maybe a wry smile will creep across my lips! If you ever see this man around, kick him square in the testicles for me, he doesn't deserve to procreate!!

(Fat Chan would like to believe this shall be his only post about "The Cunt" but admits it's unlikely)

Yes It Is About Time!!

2008-09-01T22:17:00.002+01:00

This shall be a short post, my lack of posting has been mostly reflecting my mood lately, but things are looking up so here is a quick list of things that have recently been happening to old Mr Chan:
-Now have an extra machine at work to do even more cases which is good. Still no peado cases though......what's that all about?
-Mmmmm just had a cherry drop, they are ludicrously tasty.
-Hets has moved out, I think it's for the best but I do miss her.
-Finally got some extra finances sorted out.
-Still haven't found a new place to live
-Had the staff BBQ the other night and it was awesome, need to arrange more crazy nights out.........my god I really miss them!!!
-Song writing is coming on a dream, have about 8 song ideas floating around now and some swanky software to make them into real tunes. Can't wait to be in a band on day!!
-Living in the rough area of Worcester is fun, you get to see chavs kicking doors across the street, it's better than Jeremy Kyle........but that guys a prick and daytime tv in general is a fucking waste of time, I don't want to see idiots being made fun of on tv, hell I don't want to see idiots anyway. I also don't want to know how much other peoples crap is worth if they try and sell it at a car boot sale, just fuck off and stop collecting crappy junk in the first place. Somebody name me a good piece of daytime telly and I'll comend them, if they are wrong though they shall pay with their eyes!!
-This blog needs more rage and hate...............next post shall have rage and hate guaranteed, this blog needs an overhaul!!
-Generally I'm doing good, but (cue violins) am extremely lonely still, thanks to all those being good friends and company though - it's difficult to express how much I appreciate it all right now.

Right that's enough sentimentality, anger, rage and hate here I come!!!

Yummy Yummy Blog Cream All Over Your Face!

2008-08-04T17:32:00.001+01:00

Thats right, it has been a while but I'm finally I'm back....that's why they call me slim shady.....no wait.....I think they just call me slim AND shady, then proceed to call the police! Still I will do my best to update you on my goings on within the last month since I spoke to you all; I will attempt to make it short but if you've looked at this blog before......you will know I will inevitably fail!

Riiiiight so where to begin, what exactly has happened to me in the month of July. Well it started with a two week trip to Slough to do some training for work. I'd never been to Slough and I'd never been on a training course, so I was excited about both......although given Slough's reputation, not as excited about seeing Slough than I was about the training course. So I finally arrived, extra late as I couldn't get the earlier train. I also tried to pay for my ticket on the train but the warden/steward/train person said he didn't have a machine and that I'd have to pay when I got there. Although we both knew that at that time of the night any barriers would be open anyway. Typical of course, the one time I really try and pay for my ticket, because the company was paying obviously, they wouldn't let me......I do love irony! Still I made it into Slough and tried to follow the crude directions I'd printed off Google to get to the hotel and lo and behold I managed to go completely the wrong way out of the station, after about an hour of walking at about 1am I finally made it to the hotel and the porter kindly unlocked the gate for me so I could check in......never one to be there on time me! The hotel was quite amusing since it was basically an old stately home......or rather that's how it seemed from the pictures and the outside. But the living area was actually just off to the side and was more like a travelodge type affair, still this was all free for me so I was not complaining one iota, plus I was knackered and had to be up at 6:30am for good old training.....not to mention free cooked breakfast YAY!!

Ahhh cooked breakfast, sometimes I forget how nice that can be in the mornings, especially nice for vegetarians (since later in that week some of the meat gave my colleagues some tummy trouble, haha nope, doesn't happen for vegetarians). So armed with a full stomach we proceeded to the training centre. We were all expecting much the same that it would be very boring and going over everything we already knew (since work had given us excellent training already), we were half right. The training was very good (bar one instructor who just really came across as a complete corporate tool) and although easy was quite interesting. PLUS they had free constant (nice) coffee available and even croissants in the mornings. So those two weeks were excellent, and here are the things I learned whilst I was there:
1. Toby Carvery's are superb wherever you go.
2. The Harvester in Slough......is not good!
3. The worst thing about Slough is that no-one seems to exist there in the evenings.............it was upsettingly dead and forced the planned all night drinking to end early.
4. Premier Inn's are pretty darn nice.....except my tv wouldn't move, for love nor money, from volume 20.....it was strange.
5. People do actually wash your windows at the traffic lights.....I honestly didn't think that happened in this country!
6. Slough's wetherspoons is called 'The Moon And Spoon' haha still makes me laugh!
7. A restaurant called 'So Asia' does indian and chinese buffet lunch for £5 and it's marvelous, the only thing worth checking out in Slough!

And that's about it....while I had a good time, Slough is Slough after all and there is basically nothing to do there at all.

The rest of July involved trying to finish some cases at work, which was a nightmare as I kept encountering problems, still it was eventually sent out with all the juicy evidence. Then there was the wonderfulness of trying to apply for a house. Since right now, in the mental state I'm in, I can't possibly live with other people (the actual thought of it at the moment sends me into a disturbing panicky state and I very nearly throw up), there is nowhere within my price range, expcept one place which seemed perfect and was uber cheap (I'm allowed at least one use of the word uber per post methinks) slipped through my fingers since HSBC are complete cunts and wouldn't send through a reference no matter how hard I tried. So that was wonderful, and why the fuck do lettings agents, when they ask you what is your maximum and you reply, it's £500 a month at THE VERY MOST as I probably won't be able to eat if it's anything more, go oh well we've got this place on for £600 and it's lovely blah blah blah, FUCKING £500 you wanky, stupid, time-wasting piece of cunt trash! Sorry, I'm not in a good way, I started writing this post the other day when I felt absolutely fine, now I seem to be sullen and bitter so this post shall only get darker............just as well very little is left of it I think. Well in all honesty that's actually where I'll end it, since That's basically the whole of my July! Wow what a SUPERB fucking month, really made a wonderful impact on me it did! Oh one of the highlights was doing a racism case at work, I would like to meet the suspect and repeatedly punch his face in until all that was left was the sticky residue of his once intact brain permantly glued into my knuckles! I of course am just venting, I would never likely have the desire nor the will to do such a thing, but if anyone deserves to meet their end in that way it's racists, I seriously cannot fucking stand them, they should be all put on an island where they can all kill themselves! (the case affected me somewhat....can you tell?) I shall vent more about this in another post maybe.

Right slightly more lighter things:

Film Reviews:
THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND
Excellent and compelling drama showing the life and crimes of Idi Amin. I knew very little about this dictator before viewing the film and thus don't know how historically accurate it is, but the performances were excellent. Forest Whitaker was certainly well deserved of that award, his portrayal let's you honestly believe in Amin and his belief to make Uganda a better place and slowly you being to see how power and paranoia corrupts him until he becomes the leader of a truly evil regime! Well worth seeing, especially for some particular shock scenes that will make you cringe for certain.

DISTURBIA
Superb film! The story is an old one, person next door suspects their neighbour of being a serial killer; so no kudus for the story but it's execution is really fantastic. shia Labeouf is excellent as the troubled teenager who turns to voyeurism after being placed under house arrest and suspects his neighbour of the evil deeds. The film gently switches between suspenseful thriller/horror to comedy without even so much as batting an eyelid and you'll believe every second because every part is played so superbly, highly recommended slightly new twist on an old story!

Things I have Learnt:
-Being on your own, while somewhat enjoyable due to your freedom, can be exceptionally lonely and depressing.
-I'm pretty certain that being drunk will help solve all my problems.
-Playing Oblivion for too long slightly warps your perception of reality, as does watching too much Smallville
-I will NEVER understand why some people insist on ridiculous MSN names and talking in text speak. That sort of behaviour should have people burnt at the stake for heracy!
-I love Axl's blog, he has very much got the ability to make my day glorious, next time I see him I'm going to buy him some westons, and probably make love to his beard........and since Axl you are likely the only one reading this.....watch out is all I can say!!!

A Film Review Pick & Mix!!

2008-06-24T12:16:00.008+01:00

Hello again my chums in the phantom world of internetcyberMcwebbyspace!! This post is reviewing some of the films I've seen lately in my new wonderfully concise mentality, it has to be as I've been a busy bee, watching films and whatnot!!!

SILENT HILL
Well this is a tricky one. I enjoyed it. I think anyone who enjoys the games will enjoy it, but I'm not sure if others will as it's steeped in the games mythos (to its advantage), but it means that non-players will not get the full impact. It is however very creepy, and easily the best game-to-film adaptation. It is suitably strange, the acting feels very shallow but it oddly suits the isolated feel given by the film. Also the monsters are perfectly done, most effects in the film are design and prosthetics rather than CGI and it's to its benefit. The ending is also a brilliant way to end a part of the franchise but the best thing about it is the soundtrack as it was taken straight from the game, with the original composer overseeing the remixes and renditions. Worth watching just for the score!!!

THE GOOD SHEPARD
Pretty good, difficult to keep up with at times but nicely depicted the cold, lonely and isolated life of a spy around the second world war and into the 60's. All the acting is superb but the story never seems to grab you, or explain small areas that, while not necessary to the plot, would help bolster the characters actions and behaviors. Mostly from this film it made me realise how much I'd love to live in Pre-War 1930's. Everyone looked so damn smart and the language back them was sublime (so I'm told through film and media). A good, but long (2h40m) film nonetheless.

GHOST IN THE SHELL
I thought it was time to see this film and I was suitably impressed, although heavily confused. The only Ghost In The Shell I'd seen was the most recent film, Solid State Society, which I've since read does not tie in with the original GITS (lol acronyms) or it's sequel. However bar my confusion the story was great and the animation superb although I got a nasty shock when it started up with dubbing instead of subtitles, I would've cried had I had to watch a dubbed film. Thoroughly recommended!!!

V FOR VENDETTA
An average film but has a few distinct highlights. The langauge used is excellent, it's basically a completely british cast, John Hurt is in it, Stephen Fry is in it and Natalie Portman is still very hot......hair or no hair!!! The plot is interesting, since I am very against bonfire night, I enjoyed its ideals. Even more interesting though is that this vision of the future was Alan Moore's take on where Thatcherism would lead the country. The main thing in my eye that spoiled it was the action. The action was fine but felt really out of place; I know many people thought it was going to be more action heavy, I was aware it wasn't but would have preferred no action and just the interesting story to take place, it would have helped bolster the story greatly I think!, Still definitely worth watching; even if it is for John Hurt & Stephen Fry!!!

OLDBOY
Fantastic, blew my mind somewhat, but mostly because it wasn't at all what I was expecting.I was told the movie was fucked up and ultra violent, well I didn't really find it either of these. The story was crazy and quite twisted, the violence was pretty mild in my views really. But the story and the dialogue was great. Emotionally involving and gut wrenching as it is poetic and beautiful with it's often humorous and thought provoking text. I really can't recommend this one enough, some of the best Korean cinema I've seen.

NIGHTWATCH
Finally got round to seeing this............it's pretty bonkers in it's direction but still a great film nonetheless. Classic good vs evil story set in modern day Moscow, but with a nice twist that they are allowed to co-exist and police each other. The effects are excellent as is the acting from what is a mostly unknown Russian cast. The best effects however are the subtitles, they jump at the screen when someone shouts, or swirl and fade into the picture if it is a haunting whisper. All subtitles should have this much thought put into them, it is an excellent and intelligent touch. Worth watching!

SERENITY
Ok so you should know that I praise this film above all others and always will, but I saw it again recently and forgot just HOW fantastic it really is. You know how you love something so much that to hear bad words spoken or even written about it, it feels like you are witnessing your mother getting stabbed in the chest? Well that's more-or-less how I feel about Serenity. The acting is superb, especially considering these are actors that are not considered A-list (they certainly should be)! The story is excellent, as are the effects but it's the Whedon's script that steals the film. The realisation of the Serenity/Firefly universe is incredible and the specific language used makes you weep at how emotive it can be using so few and such elegant words. I don't care who you are or what you think you like, WATCH IT!!!!

BRICK
OH MY GOD!!! This film is just a pure visual symphony. It's such a simplistic idea; a film noir set in a modern day high school, but it is executed to sensational perfection. The characters are suitably shallow from the outset but immediately begin to pile on depth as the narrative progresses. The story is classic noir, a girl is killed and her ex boyfriend intends to find out why and who! This leads him into different social cliques and gangs within the high school in order for him to find out the truth. The dialogue is superb, all the kids speak with an intelligent slang used in all good noir films with the kind of quick pace that shows like The West Wing so expertly pulled off. This film literally had me on the edge of my seat towards the end, it grabbed me, body and soul, I was involved in this film.....it took a while to get my breath back at the end realising the amazing piece of cinema I'd just witnessed. You are hereby ordered to watch!!!

That's it for now, hmmmm not very concise was it? well it was for each film I think.....and I had some catching up to do, so there!!!

Things I Have Learnt:
-I LOVE dissecting songs as I listen to them, you always hear an instrument or riff you've never heard before, music is so simply complex!
-God bless the internet, else I would never have rediscovered Nik Kershaw.
-I need to pull my finger out and actually write a song for once.
-Everything is reminding me of Hetti, at least I can take comfort that it's only good memories!
-I'm looking forward to my outing in Slough next week for training. I plan to get very, VERY fucking drunk!

Embracing the warmth of conciseness and saying farewell to verbosity!

2008-06-23T12:27:00.003+01:00

Hey all,

Well as you guessed it took me a while to post on here, it was difficult to stop all those crazy thoughts though so I had to give in and write something. This is mainly a little stop-gap to say that my posts are going to become more and more concise in relation to previous posts, BUT there will be even more of them this time, about all sorts of wondrous topics, including 'why bees are allergic to jam' and 'where Pluto ends and I begin'. So farewell to you all for now, I have a vicious migraine and am finding it extra hard to concentrate on moving letters but I will be back very, very soon........likely with some film reviews as I've seen a lot recently!!

Take care you lovely coconut bunch

Things I Have Learnt:
-I'm not a complete dumbass and was able to pass university with a 2:2.
-I bloody love my friends in Oxford, it was great seeing them, thank you all for being awesome!!
-The oddest things can remind you of what you no longer have.
-I love the film Serenity so much that if it were a person, I would constantly and consistently rape them (nice rape of course though) until my bits fell off, and then I'd just keep going without any bits..........for all of time!!!
-IT IS OFFICIAL, there is no rape scene in GTA4, nothing even comes close, other than you kidnap the daughter of a mob boss. Take heed people, use your noggins!!!

It finally happened, the walls are caving in, I'm under the wreckage!

2008-06-13T12:54:00.003+01:00

Me and my girlfriend have broken up......................hopefully one day we may work through the problems we were having and get back together. But for now that chapter is closed, and I'm sad inside. I wouldn't expect many new posts for a little while.

No Things I Have Learnt This Post - Space Left For The Mourning.

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........................................................................................... R.I.P!

Yorke's Scanner Is Erasing My Head Darkly!!!!

2008-06-10T19:18:00.002+01:00

Finally decided to listen to 'The Eraser' by Thom Yorke. Fuck me that is one good album, why did I not realise it was so bloody good when it came out? Maybe I wasn't into electro stuff so much then and now I very much am, I expected to like it more than Radiohead, but that's cos I really don't like Radiohead! Still this album is gorgeously atmospheric and hauntingly melodic. I plan to listen to it endlessly for rather a while, especially the track 'Black Swan' which is the reason I decided to listen to the album. I heard that track on the closing credits of 'A Scanner Darkly' which I watched last night and it struck a chord (pun might be intended......can't make up my mind) with me. As for the film, it was bloody brilliant. The artistic effect of the rotorscope looks awesome and works so well in the story. I will very much enjoy seeing it in 'A Waking Life' which I also have lined up to watch at one point. I actually think it's one of Keanu Reeves' best performances, I quite like Reeves and never had a problem with his 'wooden' acting but I enjoyed his performance in this. Also somehow Winona Ryder looks really hot slightly animated, so that's something to think about.............or come to terms with!!! Still a mind bendingly (which Philip K. Dick adaptation isn't?) beautifully stylised piece of film. Recommended.

Nothing to do with it other than it's another film, watch 'Primer' it's equally mind bending........more so maybe and an incredibly intelligent and poignant movie. Don't expect in anyway to understand what just happened when the ending credits roll, just let it sink in, it's sublime, made by essentially one person who filmed, wrote, produced, directed and even starred in it, all for around £4000. They need more films like this.........I might even go and watch it now!!

Things I've Learnt:
-Films are probably the most important medium we have.
-Not having breakfast in the morning messes with your insides.
-Depression can be hard to blot out sometimes.
-Sitting and thinking can be the best and worst thing you do when you're on your own.
-Learning five things per post is getting harder...........I might be getting more stupid!

When Bands Have A Creative Seizure Causing Instant Paralysis Of The Lower Extremities

2008-06-09T13:10:00.007+01:00

So I was listening to my MP3 player at work as usual, and I had put on a selection of different albums, some I hadn't listened to for ages. Two albums stuck in my mind and made me realize something: Why do some bands, upon their second album, go off in a bananas tangent that makes a cheap mockery of their debut? And more importantly how the hell do they then manage to release another bunch of albums, progressively navigating the lower rungs of the musical evolutionary ladder. The two songs and bands that made me realise this were:

The Ordinary Boys - Over The Counter Culture
Lit - Tripping The Light Fantastic

Let's start with the ordinary boys. Despite your views on them personally and of course about Preston himself, their debut is bloody excellent. It contained interesting riffs and succulent melodies to captivate any indie fan (and I mean indie as in Oasis/Blur indie you may refer to it as Brit Pop, but that makes you a moron. Brit Pop is a ridiculous name.......British Popular Music......how bloody vague do you want to be..........saying that indie has pretty much the same connotations. Think I'll head off to the fridge and devour the rest of that scrumptious humble pie I was saving). They play with the idea of mixing ska and indie together and it works without problems but did indeed bring up a question, since the album was mostly indie with ska influences (bar a couple of ska songs, a cover of 'Little Bitch' by The Specials for example) without a perfect blend of the two, is the next album going to be mostly ska or mostly indie. I desperately wanted them to be more indie as their indie sound was great and fresh compared to what was around at the time. But alas they came out with their somewhat ironic title 'Brassbound', as if they'd known all along their direction. Simply put this album is dirge and I curse the day I bought it. There are some good riffs here and there but that's it, the rest seems to have been put together through a smoothie maker but then throwing away the yummy juicy insides and putting the peel/core/stalks etc into a glass and serving it up for a price. I dread to think what their latest effort was like, I heard it was shit though......they were apparently going more electro. WHAT???? ELECTRO???? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING? How does a ska/indie band go electro..............badly as it seems judging by the reviews. And don't get me wrong I love electro, The Knife, as a case in point, are fucking sublime and I can't wait for them to release more albums (if they ever will). So basically 'Over The Counter Culture' was a wondrous example of how to get an indie fan's hopes up only to simply pooh in their ears and piss all over their face. Great album, Shit band!!! I like to think in a parallel universe they made their indie albums and all was right with the world, that thought keeps my giblets dry at night!

So onto good old Lit. I imagine that Lit literally are only liked by an age group just about to lose the ability to pronounce hard consonants in any words. However I don't mind them (probably due to my Peter Pan music taste). I especially like their first album Tripping The Light Fantastic, it was edgy, punk rock mixed with serious emo (and we all love emo don't we?) and metal based tones. The songs on it verge on the edge of uncomfortable while still being catchy and toe-tappingly addictive. Then there is the second album.............!!! Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate their second album, or their subsequent ones for that matter, they just went a different way from their debut and I feel it was in the wrong direction. Instead of hanging on to their emo/metal/punk rock roots they decided to go more towards a 50's 'greaser' rock & roll/punk rock; which fair do's is a genre not explored by others, but it is a disappointment considering where they could have gone with it. It now means that I only like about 2 songs on each of their following albums, and it makes my giblets sad; they weep slightly. (On another tangent once again, can you actually imagine the 'greasers' of their time being the rough crowd always looking for fights, much like the chav generation now and their Dumb & Bass or whatever sequence of incoherent beats and shouting they are listening to now. But they were listening to rock & roll music.......it just strikes me as barmy.........maybe this wasn't happening at all and media has warped the times slightly, but still! I suppose in the future we would probably have people wearing golfing clothes, listening to extreme electro starting fights everywhere.)

Again I've hit a tangent, I apologise, I'll try to stay more on topic next time. Luckily I've finished this post, does it upset anyone else that a band had so much promise and pissed it all away. What am I talking about almost ALL bands are like this. Stupid music scene, why can't awesome bands like Crackout still be about (well technically they are I guess as 'Out Of The Afternoon'........hey have you checked them out yet YOU BETTA YA JIVE TURKEY!!!) Things to think about eh?

Things I have learnt:
-I'm still not using Jive Turkey enough
-Budgeting, while essential, makes your future look bleak
-Can't wait to go down to Oxford to meet some of the old friends 'o mine
-Can't wait to go down to Oxford to go to PRIMARK!!! the Jesus of all clothes stores
-New wiper blades and good screen fluid on/in your car make all the difference when parking under a tree with sticky sappy sap!!!

Fat Chan's tirade on those non-liberal and extra liberal fruitcakes!!

2008-05-28T13:02:00.004+01:00

Right now it's time for some fruitcake bashing mayhem!!! This post is going to be long, I may not even be able to finish it in my lunchtime..........but then you wouldn't notice...........tell you what I'll put in a break so you know what happened, sound good? of course it does, words on the screen always sound like apple pie!

This post was inspired by a post on Axl's potato farm a little while ago involving peoples attitudes towards violence in video games. Now this post is not bashing Axl in anyway........that is to be done later with rubber hammers, latex gloves and 250 gallons of extra virgin olive oil; but as a result of his post (THIS ONE HERE ---> http://axlspotatofarm.blogspot.com/2008/05/computer-game-pitch.html) it got me thinking about how much I have to talk about the subject.

Firstly we have to deal with three types of people
1. Non-liberal fruitcakes
2. Extra liberal fruitcakes
3. Ignorant people

let's start from the beginning. Of course the non-liberal stand point is one of "Computer games breed violence, Hitler played computer games in his mind and look what happened there, now we don't think that anyone should have the freedom of choice because quite clearly everyone will choose mass genocide (I am of course unaware of the tautology in that statement because my well paid for education has been erased in place of extreme xenophobia). I would like to quietly sit in my slippers reading the Daily Mail for it's intelligent, unbiased reviews on social politics and slowly die of hate saturation."

I can't understand their view point, why are they always looking for a scape-goat for all of the worlds problems. FACT: No computer game has been PROVEN to cause violent behavior in people where another form of violent medium (such as film, tv, books) wouldn't have done the same. The simple truth is if you are affected by such things it is down to the person being affected not the external stimuli. Admittedly if you were to perform a 'Clockwork Orange'-esque experiment showing violent images there are more than likely to be dire consequences but is that situation likely to arise in the homes of the majority? Well possibly!

Still the point is that simply playing a violent video game doesn't turn you into psychopath, possibly a disillusioned sociopath, but not a psychopath - it just doesn't work that way! Of course allowing people to do exactly what they want when they want has it's fair share of problems, and brings me to the second group of people, which I've just realised is pretty much the 3rd set as well, and I feel this is where the WHOLE problem lies.

Now I'm pretty liberal, I feel that people have the right to choose what they do and if they end up doing something that's detrimental to society then they should deal with the consequences. I think that's a healthy liberal attitude.....yes it's true I feign ignorance to certain things going on around me so that I don't have to worry about them just yet, but note that I 'feign' ignorance, I'm not an idiot and when time comes I'll utilise the information when needed. However there appears to certain people in this world that are just plain dumb! Ignorant people is going to be the downfall of society one day. In terms of video games the can be broken down into two groupings:

1. Those who are just simply unaware of what video games contain
2. (AND WORST OF ALL) Those who are AWARE of what video games contain but just don't give a shit.......so much so that they would even buy a game such as Manhunt for their 12 year old son.

This is where the problem starts. Lets say violent video games are like cars. If someone misuses the car it can become used to cause harm and mayhem. If a sensible level-headed person were to use a car it can become something fun and enjoyable and not cause harm or pain to anyone. What I'm trying to get at with my dumb analogy, (ironic eh?) is that not everyone is level-headed and mature enough to play violent video games and these are the people that need to stay aware from such games until they are able to handle it's contents. If people allow them the play games that they are not mentally ready for it's like lighting a long fuse to a bomb, if you don't stop it before it goes off, there's no coming back! (A quick thought though.....did bombs ever used to look like they do in cartoons, i.e. the black ball with a white fuse out the top. If not then where the hell did that image come from and why has it stuck?????)

Also don't forget that video game developers (bar EA who indeed munch the anal coin) stem from video game players, they want to create things enjoyable to play, they want to convey feelings and stories that can touch you in any number of ways. None of these people want to create games that don't deal with consequences or morality because they just simply won't be enjoyable to the masses. Don't believe that violent games have morals etc, I dare you to challenge me with a commercial game that doesn't. What about Manhunt I hear you cry...........

[Firstly it must be known that I have had the so called lunch I was speaking of earlier, it lasted about a week, but now I'm back to writing again!! So.....ONWARDS!]

......well yes to some degree that's the game stuck on the precipice between morals but ultimately the story boils down to this. Yes you are a convicted killer, a very nasty person, and you're taken to a place where you have to kill people for the pleasure of the 'director' a sick, sadistic voyeur (but BRILLIANTLY played by the actor Brian Cox) who gets off on you killing people. The people you're killing? All convicted rapists, murderer's etc at no point in the game are you killing innocent people, even the police, that are in some parts of the game, are being sent after you by the 'director'.

Manhunt 2 I'm unsure of as I've not played it, not through want of trying, but I guarantee that in some way or another morals and consequences will factor into the story. Basically it takes a sensible level headed person to see these kinds of consequences and to know that carrying out these actions in real life would have dire consequences, usually far direr than the games consequences.

SO what indeed brought me onto this point in the first place? It was the post Axl said about how no-one bats an eyelid at GTA 4's release, when the first GTA was tantamount to being the first banned major release game from Britain. It was brought up because of an apparent rape scene in which your character goes to rape a girl with a gang of his. Now of course Axl very rightly pointed out that this is way too far to be allowed in a game, and I whole-heartedly agree. Of course i don't believe for a second that there actually is a rape scene in which your character rapes a woman as part of a mission. The closest this is likely to come is a mission where you must kill someone who raped a woman. I've played through most of the game and found no evidence of this activity so far. It would be VERY unlike the GTA series to go to these depths, the series has always had a huge amount of satire embedded into it and lately has increased with more and more characterisation and emotion than ever before, GTA 4 is easily the best, most realistic, and beautifully put together GTA game yet and it is no wonder it has sold so incredibly.

So to summarise my point. Games should not be banned because of their content, they should be correctly classified (although the whole classification system needs a SERIOUS overhaul) and it should be incredibly illegal for people to buy games with the intention of letting minors play them, or rather letting minors play them when they don't realise/care what is in the game. Just everyone.........please be as informed as possible about what you are about to play.

And for now the tirade is over.....

Things I have Learnt:
-Taking breaks makes it hard to continue
-My analogies suck
-I am going to work on being able to get my point across in fewest possible words
-Cream cheese in garlic & herb tortilla......yes please!!!!
-Massages rock!!!

Love Like Rockets Redux!!

2008-05-21T22:45:00.003+01:00

Well I did it, me and the latest Angels & Airwaves album locked horns and I allowed it to smother my brain in it's loveliness, which means that it won and now I very much love the album...........it just needed some time to get used to that's all, but ultimately apart from a few odd cheesy, dare I say again, U2 style echoes (I think I threw up a little in my mouth), I think it's a great album and so far I haven't been able to get it out of my head!!!

That's it I'm afraid, although I noticed that in my last post I forgot to put the things I've learnt so this time I'll add 10 to this one to make up:

Things I Have Learnt:
-Always check you have written this before wrapping up you posts Fat Chan.
-My keyboard sometimes changes letters around so that I spell long words wrong.
-I'll love punk rock until I die I imagine, and I'm ready for the ridicule.
-You should always double, DOUBLE check you have everything before leaving the house.
-I can't think of many REALLY good TV series that have an actual ending and haven't finished prematurely.
-I'm going to write a song soon, I mean it; and it's going to be good!
-I'm going to see my old friends from back home and I can't wait!
-I miss Hetti when she's not here!
-My god do I like things clean and tidy
-Listening to an album on repeat for ages is the ONLY way to see if you really like it, provided it doesn't make you vomit before the final song is over.

A clairification for all those who think Pop/Punk Rock sounds the same!!!

2008-05-19T13:00:00.003+01:00

So I promised this post would be soon and now here it is, though are any of you out there actually reading this??? Anyway.......I've been thinking lately - my life is excellent right now and I remembered the reason I started this blog. It was meant to be an outlet for my stress as I was going through a tough time. That tough time's behind me now and I've realised I've forgotten my roots and not had any mad ranty posts for AGES. Well that stops now, I'm going to vent about this that and the other as much as possible, it'll keep me sane I think, it might even act as a kind of therapy for me. So watch out Fat Chan is back and angry at loadsa stuff!!!! And now for the post!

Now my music taste almost always comes into question, but I stand fast and believe that I have quite a discerning taste and can certainly understand the depths of music. So really I am somewhat here to defend my taste in music and somewhat to label you bloody idiots who don't know what you're talking about to shut the hell up and start devouring some humble pie!!! Yes I like Punk Rock music........I LOVE punk rock music and many derivatives of it, (emo etc). So I have a peter pan taste in music, I've never grown out of the genre and have so far no indication that I will ever do so. I don't have a problem with people who don't like punk rock music, more I have a problem with those that say such things as:

"Punk rock is rubbish, it all sounds the same"

You're all entitled to your opinion of course but when you make a giant sweeping statement saying that ALL punk rock music (and I know you are labelling emo etc along with that) sounds the same you need to have your kidneys bashed a little bit because you don't know what you're talking about. There are some punk rock bands out there that have never tried anything new and do sound very similar to a lot of other bands but the majority of them are not that way inclined and have their own style. The best way I can describe to you is this:

I know very little about classical music, I could not tell Rachmaninov from Bach or even Beethoven from Mozart, all I can distinguish is that it is classical music.........I suppose I could say that it all sounds the same. Of course anyone who digs the classical music (trying to use some street words for any gangsta's reading this), would immediately be able to tell the difference not only between composers but between specific time periods of classical music. Punk Rock is no different despite your cries, Blink 182 sounds very different from Home Grown who again sound very different from New Found Glory. All I'm trying to say is sure, you don't like my taste in music but don't generalise it all, that's all I'm saying; maybe if you listened to more of it you might be able to tell the difference.........and hey you might even like it!!

Just a little rant to kick things off with...........believe me it's going to get WAY more ranty soon!!!

Love and hugs
Fat Chan
x

Love Like Rockets?

2008-05-15T13:01:00.002+01:00

Hello all out there in non-cyber land.

This will be a short post, well relatively short that is. I have been thinking a lot, about things and stuff and it has occurred that I'm having more thoughts than I can put down in a post at one time................these things need to be somewhat structured you see. So I am writing a list of post titles so that a) you will wait with baited breath for them and b) I can remember the important points that I wanted to make, and the remainder of this post will be a bit more relevant to the title.

Future posts:
-A clairification for all those who think Pop/Punk Rock sounds the same!!!
-Fat Chan's tyrade on those non-liberal and extra liberal fruitcakes!!
-The anger of motorists
-Commandent #11 FUCKING CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF

no doubt upon writing those posts I will inevitably think of more titles, but anyway back to this post.

On the bus into work this morning, a song popped on my MP3 player which I didn't recognise for a moment. Upon looking at the title it was 'Love Like Rockets' and I realised it was part of the latest Angels & Airwaves album 'I-Empire', which made me realise; I still have no idea whether or not I like this album! Now I know Angels & Airwaves aren't some hip new fancy band that no-one's heard of, if you want reviews on those peeps check Axl's blog............he's the music maestro for sure. But still I wanted to convey my apathetic/confused reation to this album. Now I love/loved Blink 182 and was keen to see Tom & Marks new concepts as they split. Both +44's and Angels and Airwaves debut's were fucking stunning and while keeping in the same vein as their Blink 182 pre-decessor had both taken seperate directions which to me sounded fresh and well suited to their styles. So with that I knew I would buy the new Angels & Airwaves album.................but how would the second album fare? well I just still don't know. There are still catchy riffs and beats within all the songs but they have tried to take all the novel ideas from the first album and smother them like a gone off jam all over the new album. This includes, talking as if in a spacecraft in the background, drumming like a marching band and echo effects on essentially all equipment. These worked on the first album because they were new and not overused. Now the echo's especially are so overused they make some parts of songs feel like U2 - and I've come to realised recently that I can't fucking stand U2 even though I supposedly used to like them (admittedly I think I liked them because my best friend did!!! Oh the desperation to fit in). But it's Angels & Airwaves, and I will always buy their albums and I still like them, so do I like this album? I just don't fucking know!!!! It's all too confusing, I think I'm going to have to lock myself in a room without and just bash it out between us and then see who wins. Once that happens I'll let you know the result.

Things I have learnt
-Short posts from Fat Chan, are never short
-Small apples are usually extra delicious
-How did I ever dislike quiche when I was younger (yes I'm on my lunch while writing this)
-5 minutes litereally makes all the difference when driving
-My life currently is superb, I look forward to going to work, and also look forward to going home; things is sweet, yes!

Thats all for now y'all check back for more shenanigans REAL soon!!

FINE!!! Don't talk to me, your face smells of tap juice!!!

2008-05-13T13:16:00.005+01:00

Hello there all you mentally awake individuals.

So what have you to report then MR Chan I hear you shouting frantically at your computer screen, wondering in your haste as to why a computer screen could possibly tell you the secrets.

Well I shall begin from the weekend before last:

The weekend of the anime all nighter - So it was that I went down to London on Saturday, first time driving there, or anywhere that far away for that matter, and on my own. Scary?..........not really, but it was very strange being the only one in the car for so long a time. The drive was easy as hell, just go on the motorway and you're there my son, my dear ol' pops used to say, and he was right of course and then he was unpromptly eaten by a passsing griffin. Yes he passed with three 's's', his wings were dislexic! Still I made it to Richmond where my sis lives and tried to find her flat to park there.......................then I got completely lost............well not completely, I was on the right road but didn't realise (until the following morning) that the road is split by a roundabout so I was on the wrong side of the roundabout. DOH, still I found a parking spot and went to head off into Richmond town. Got the bus to the station and then found that not only were the trains I needed cancelled, the other trains I could have got had already gone. So options??? replacement bus? No sign of one, or indication as to when and where it would pick you up/drop you off. Taxi? barely any about and the queue by the station was close to 20 metres in lengthy so not a great plan.........(please bare in mind that I was due to be at the cinema by 12:00am it was now 11:30pm due to my misguidings in parking). Regular type bus? Bingo, went to all the bus stops and finally found one to Picadilly Circus but there was no timetable, so i waited in the vain hope one would come, by 11:45pm there was no sign of one so I walked off down the road in search of a free (as in vacant) taxi and then the bus swung round the corner. Quick turn on my heels and I ran to get it, and got it I did; £2 single, reasonable I thought!!! So off we trundled, and by hell did we trundle, it took ages and then going through one area the bus driver nearly had a fight (and I mean fist fight) with a taxi driver which would have been hilarious and frightening all at once! Then we got caught in THE CRAZIEST traffic I've seen, still luckily the bus driver EVENTUALLY let us out the bus early and I got to the cinema at 12:30am and I thought I'd have missed loads of the first film, but even more luckilierery it was only about 5 minutes through. So off I sat and began the Anime all nighter.

The screening was excellent, and thoroughly enjoyable. Here's what I saw and what I thought of them:

APPLESEED EX MACHINA: Really good film, basic plot about robot/cyborg/virus taking over humanity, in a futuristic world where a highly skilled police force tries to enforce peace. Slick 3D CGI and beautifully rendered scenes, along with some great action; definitely worth seeing.

THE GIRL WHO LEPT THROUGH TIME: Possibly the best film of the bunch I'd say. Follows a girl as she finds she has the ability to jump through time (literally jump as well). Beautifully well written, great acting and scripting with emotion, suspense and humour. Reverting back to the old style of anime movies with it's visuals this is highly HIGHLY recommended viewing.

TEKKON KINKREET: Brilliant film and again possibly the best film of the bunch, follows two street orphan brothers, Black & White, who essentially rule the streets in their area of town and fend for themselves. Black (like the name suggests) is fierce and will do anything to protect him and his brother, White is innocent and naive and hangs on his brother's every word. Visually interesting in a very different style than I've seen before, but a captivating story that gets progressively darker viewing the streets underworld from a child's and adults perspective. Well worth watching!!

VEXILLE: This was the weakest of the four films and slightly undeservedly so as it had a very similar story and style to Appleseed Ex Machina. It follows a special US task force as they try and investigate why Japan has been completely off the radar for so long, which starts unravelling a cyborg plague type thing. Some excellent set pieces make up for the similar story, but feels like you've been there before. Had I seen this before Appleseed maybe I'd be saying the same about that, so watch it and make up your own minds, it's good but not fantastic.

Then the screening was over, we all went to go home and try and recover from the serious lack of sleep and the imminent heart attack being brought on from the ONE can of Relentless energy drink I had (that stuff is evil!!). Nothing more to report except having stopped at a service station for petrol and Burger King we found one man essentially threatening to kill one of the staff there and a floor covered in spilt cornflakes. No-one knows what happened but it was certainly fun watching the shouting.......................you gotta love London town eh?

And so the end of this post, jeepers it certainly was a long one, well that's what you get for not talking to me you bastards!!!! No answers to my little questions at all and not even one person posting spam or anything. I feel lonely you know!!! :(
So now the question segment has gone..................to be honest I felt like I was turning into a Facebook profile with so many things going on my page........let's just keep the things I've learnt section...........speaking of which:

Things I've Learnt:
-Serated knives are best for cutting yummy tomatos.
-Some drivers are fucking morons, I'm worried that I'll end up like that because it annoys me so much.
-Packed lunch IS the way forward.
-My new job is fucking awesome and interesting and awesome!
-Rats love to eat through plastic, it seems to bring them joy!

Thats all for now lovelies,

Take Care Y'all

Love you BYEEEEE
X

So the wheels on the other foot I see now eh?

2008-05-02T19:27:00.002+01:00

Bonjour All!

Hope everyone is groovy, so it finally happened, I've passed my driving test and am now putt putting around the streets like a madman, if madmen do indeed putt putt. So yes now I have the freedom to go where I please, which is good for I please a lot, mainly I need to figure out how to get to London for this Anime All Nighter I'm going there on Saturday. Can't wait should be awesome, but I'm going to be knackered on Sunday, but still hopefully awake enough to get to Oxford and maybe see some old jolly pals and such, certainly would make my life pleasant indeed.

The new job is fantastic, got paid the other day for my first weeks work, not used to being paid as much as I am so it's a great shock (great both as in big and as in brilliant), but I think it'll manage somewhat. About 2 months of training to go and then I'll be getting onto my own cases WOOOOOOOO! I am one lucky bastard to get this job methinks.

I haven't got a lot else to say to be honest, so I'm going to leave it at that, might add a bit more later incase anything interesting happens in the meantime.

Things I Have Learnt:
-I know more about computers than I sometimes realise
-Complex maths is easy, simple maths is hard
-People on the apprentice are ridiculous (might be in a post later)
-Dan is a bloody good friend
-I love games, games are good, and annoying, and addictive, but really, really good.

The question:
Whats the value of the binary number 100110 in decimals?

LOVE YOU BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
xxx

"Cap'n She's Slipping Away!"

2008-04-26T19:54:00.002+01:00

Hey all

This is my first blog from my new flat, finally managed to get the internet set-up and we're away, however for some reason the phone has now broken :s as one door shuts........it locks itself from the outside! Hetti has gone out for the evening with one of her friends so that gives me the opportunity to add to my blog. I warn you now this is going to be a short blog but it will re-introduce the ever popular item "Things I Have Learnt" and also a brand new item called "Fat Chan's Bloggy (as in daily, but only once per post ya see???) Question" in which I will ask a question, could be anything but I will require some answers, and I'll have to think of some kind of reward for you mad lovelies! Anyway back to the short blog, I think I've upset my appendix, for some reason he/she seems to be grumpy and I can't think what I've done to upset it, I very much hope it's not actually appendicitis since I have my driving test on Tuesday which I NEED to pass, so everyone wish my some kind of luck. My new job is awesome, not really done a whole lot yet, still training but REALLY eager to get into it and start mining the hard drives of nasty criminals and get them put away!

I'm now going to tell you how fucking good Foals' debut album is........................Fucking Good!! Actually not only Fucking Good but depressingly good, since it's so good that it makes me think I'll never match their standard to make it successfully in music one day. When Axl told me he considered them easily one of the best bands he's ever heard/seen I knew things would be good, and I was completely stunned when I saw them live, they rocked my little cotton brain to pieces. The album was well worth the wait, there is not a bad song on it and each song just bursts with beautifully crafted riffs, fascinating rhythms and awesome electric stylings - I also have to note that the lyrics feel endearingly poetic and yannis has a great voice, even though I have no idea what the hell he's singing about for the most part.

So in short buy 'Foals - Antidotes' right bloody now!

Things I Have Learnt:
-I need to practice my ass off and start getting good on the guitar before I start writing any songs.
-It is hard to keep a kitchen tidy when it is the size of a cupboard
-The internet really is more important to me than eating
-Long commutes suck ass, why would anyone voluntarily do such a thing
-Youtube consumes me like a hungry wart ridden child

Fat Chan's Bloggy Question:
How is Foals' song 'Red Socks Pugie' pronounced?
a) Red Socks Poo - jee
b) Red Socks Poo - gii
c) Red Socks Pew - jee
d) Red Socks Pew - gii
e) Jamber Flamble Bee
f) All of the above
g) None of the above

Love and Hugs

Fat Chan
xx

How is the new job Mr Chan? Wonderful, my pants fit nicely!

2008-04-22T20:03:00.002+01:00

Hello there y'all

Welcome all you regulars and some new virtual faces (you know who you are), and thank you for joining me again; I will try to refrain from the sappy sentiment that was at the end of the last post, I got a bit carried away, but I just go where my brain and hands tell me to so who knows what could happen, exciting eh!

So how is the new job going then I hear you ask, two days of it passed now. Well simply it's bloody great, admittedly I haven't been there long enough yet to judge how the actual work I will be doing is going to be like but I am extremely excited, everyone there is really nice and I got to build my forensic workstation today (the computer, not the desk as someone thought earlier today). I am a Trainee Digital Forensic Analyst, and it's cool. But I'm not going to go too much into the present, there is a lot of past to catch up on. Where the bloody hell do I start though??

OK so my last post before the break was my last exam time, so lets jump to Christmas.

Christmas was great, I was able to spend it with my girlfriend for the first time as I was living with he mum and brothers at the time. It was a really nice family affair which for me, is what Christmas is all about. On that note however, it was the first time I'd spent Christmas away from my mum & dad so that was hard, more that I was worried that it was just them and they'd be lonely BUT that was silly because more likely they were loving the fact that FINALLY it was just them!! But they did have my nan over as well so that was nice.

[Oh BTW if you haven't yet bloody go now to www.myspace.com/outoftheafternoon and have a listen]

So I got lots of cool things at Christmas, from lots of people....more presents than I deserved so really thank you to all who gave to me last Christmas. The month of January brought with it the end of my temp contract with GAME (now on a permanent contract but only 4 hours on Sundays, which is cool, I'm there for the discount currently, not that I don't work hard, I fucking rock at GAME!!!!) and the results to my university fiasco, I nearly failed one thing and had to a do a resit for it (Still no results on that, not good since it basically decides whether or not I pass university......but I have a great job now so It's OK I think if I do balls it up completely..........telling my parents won't be easy though, that's assuming the haven't read it just now already.

So yes January was uneventful as was February to be honest, was looking for jobs trying to scrape by on what I was making at GAME (this was where I applied for the job I've got now)

[Seriously check out 'Out Of The Afternoon' NOW!]

My girlfriend got a job working at the Access Centre for Worcester County Council (she works on the child side of social services). I'm immensely proud of her and do respect her as she pushed for something she really wanted and is enjoying the work from what I can see :)

Come mid March money was getting really tight, but got a job at Npower in Worcester doing some basic Admin for a while and also had an interview for my job which I gots now!! So money was better (until I wasn't paid for a few weeks of working there............I'm told however that that should all be resolved come tomorrow morning), and then end of March came and Hetti (my girlfriend.......I've realised I don't think I've mentioned her name before) and myself moved to Worcester to a flat that while slightly flawed is FAR better than any of the places we've lived before (bar her mum's place) and bloody cheap for what we are getting. So if any are up in Worcester drop me a line and maybe you can come over for tea and pickles. That more or less brings us back up to date with important bits in my life, other things have happened on the way and I'll probably talk about them in some kind of flashback way further on in time but for now I think you've had far too much bloggy blogcast than can be healthy for ye. Don't forget to keep coming back, as I said I'm making more of a go of this blog so expect LOTS more than usually..............20% extra free blog........JUST FOR YOU......no you with the hat.........Not that hat, that one.......with the silver pigeon on top mocking the ducks below; so enjoy it hat wearing patron.

Take care of yourselves you lovely unmentionables you.
I think the next blog will have some more madness mixed in for extra re-playability, oh dear just used a game term to describe a blog, tut tut Gareth, tut tut!!!

LOVE OOOOOO
xx

Yes it's true this is a NEW post!!!

2008-04-20T20:55:00.002+01:00

Hey there all you lovely people who have stumbled once again into the lair of Fat Chan and his frankly lazy and lackluster approach to blogging. So firstly lets get that nasty apology out of the way, I'm sorry, I've been busy doing stuff and frankly forgot to set some time aside to put it in words. Phew glad that's out of the way, you know when you have done something bad and should apologise for it but now it's gone so long without an apology you don't know whether the afflicted parties have forgiven or forgotten and you don't want to bring up an old wound if they have just forgotten but are still really bitter about it!!!!!!! My word that sentence was long, I think my brain is out of breath! Still best to just apologise and deal with the fall-out. Reasons for why it's been so long since my last post..................laziness. I would try and glam it up more, and yes interesting things have been happening but it really boils down to me being a lazy gimp, I hold my hands up and hope the red hot pokers don't venture too near the buttocks for fear of enjoyment!!!

Ok so this is the apology post, I've not got internet at my new flat.......that's right new flat, so I'm luckily in a place where I can do a few blogs over the next few days, So I'm going to bullet point a few things and go into detail next time, a whetting if you will of one's appetite, and believe me you'll have bulimia before you know it!!!!

I start a fancy new job tomorrow, Digital Forensic Analyst, and I am dead excited and nervous!
My girlfriend and I have finally got our own place............damn nice and cheap too!!
Foals' album is fucking awesome; buy it now or you'll smell!!!
Check out 'Out Of The Afternoon' on Myspace.......they rock and are the successor to 'Crackout' whom I fucking loved, so I'm hooked.
I'm making an effort to be a better friend so all those neglected......I'll be calling soon :)
I should be driving soon, for real this time!
If you read this blog post something now and again; anything so I know it's not just me or Axl, I mean I love Axl but if it's just him that reads this it's going to become like 'An Ode to Axl' which I was planning to save for a later date.
If you're near Worcester and want to try starting a band then I'm well up for it!!!
I am in a good place right now, went a bit mental for a while but am feeling much better, feels like my life is firmly back on the rails......new rails as well, nicely oiled.
To anyone I've ever been a bad friend to, or just generally a bad person to, I'm sorry, I would like to make it up to you in anyway possible.

To anyone who reads this, I love you, honestly it keeps my warm inside thinking some people don't have a lot to do but find my words interesting...........TO ALL OF YOU stay tuned, believe me there is some yummy content appearing very soon, and I promise not to disappear this time.

Take care all, see you soon

Love
MR Chan (Fat)

The last exam!!

2007-12-19T08:50:00.000Z

Hello, I'm going to make an effort to make shorter to the point entries. Today is my last exam at Uni, WOOOOP, bout to go in in 30mins, probably should revise a bit more.

I've learnt
-LEAVE EARLIER for trains sometimes they are on time and running in the morning hurts.
-I love my cat
-Everytime I look for my phone (the broken one to be fixed at a 3 store) it's missing, I think that actually it's been missing for the whole tim e I check rather than just popping out for a quick sexy time everytime I look for it.
-Not having enough milk for breakfast is rubbish, I need a cow to ensure constant milkage..........and sexage!
-I've managed a short post YAHOOOOOOO!!!!

The last coursework!

2007-12-12T13:08:00.000Z

Ahhhh so the last piece of coursework is in, and am I happy???? No!! Why Mr Fat Chan? I hear you ask, because as usual there have been things going on that make me want to punch myself in the face. Ok so we know about the fiasco with the assignment, what has stemmed from that I wonder. Ok well firstly it seems that on Monday, when I had to come down to wheatley campus, I have somewhere between leaving wheatley and being at home, lost the travelling saviour of my life, my MP4 player. I have no idea if I've left it at Uni (in which case some fat cunt has most likely picked it up and eaten it) or whether it's in the never ending mess that is my bedroom. Why is it, no matter how much I clean, how often I tidy the room gets messy within MOMENTS of me finishing, I think I really am starting to develop an OCD problem, the room makes me want to scream loud enough to end it all. Actually any mess is starting to affect me, well that's a lie, any mess in the place I'm living. But it doesn't annoy me enough to clean it (partly as I know it won't stay that way, until I own my own totalitarian cleaning regime in my own house), it seems that my brain just likes to notice things that annoy me and then just let me get annoyed at them for what seems like ever. Anyway I'm off topic again, that MP4 player was a fucking saviour of my life. I've managed to catch up with countless tv shows on the train thanks to that little beast, and I got it at a beautiful price, which makes my loss ever more depressing.

Next on the list is the ever growing money problem, why is it no matter how much I work, there is no cash. I need a proper job and asap, it has to be the only way out of this crazy financial mess, I can barely afford christmas presents, it would be nice if a year goes by that I don't have to rely on my lovely girlfriend to bail me out when I stuff up.............which I do, it's becoming a big fat habit. Still try and look forward, two exams left, and providing I don't fail, that's that University gremlin off my back for good...........if I ever do a Masters it will be a long way off methinks.

Some good news about today, I get to meet up with my sister who I haven't seen for ages and she's taking me out for a birthday meal since it's my birthday tomorrow, yes that's right it's my birthday tomorrow for all you jive turkeys that didn't know, I'll be another year older and still have little to show for it.............GAAARRRGH I'm already feeling too old. Plus HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my nan, although I know for a fact that she won't read this I....

THANK GOD FOR BLOGGER DRAFT SAVE THINGY -Fucking Uni computer shut down on me for no reason at all CUNT!!

...hope that she will be able to extract it from the ether, I will call her later, I'm not a complete bastard of a grandson. Anyway I'm bored now, and hungry, have had heartburn for the past week but it's finally better now, as rank as Gaviscon Original Aniseed is, it certainly does the job.

Fat Chan has learnt:
-Manhunt 2 is finally coming to the UK legally, but I have neither a PSP or playstation so will not be able to enjoy it, plus it's still the edited version. I'll wait til the PC one comes out and then see if someone's hacked it, they definately will have!
-If you value something don't leave it at University where any cunt fucking money grabbing student can get there hands on them...........I'm starting to understand student hatred, can't wait til I'm not one!!
-I can go for over half a day without feeling hungry.............it is most likely making me die!
-Cleanliness should not only be a virture it needs to be one of the commandments, maybe i'll make it my only commandment in Chanaiism.
-I miss my parents, it's going to be weird not seeing them on Christmas Day, it won't be the same. I can't wait to move and just be me, my girlfriend and our many pets, that's the thought that keeps me going!

Fucking Pissy Wank Ballsy Tits!!!

2007-12-10T23:36:00.000Z

I've not been blogging as much as I would have liked recently because the big gay institution that is University has been demanding my time. After a succession of essentially handing in some courseworks that were a bit crap but hopefully alright, I tried today to upload the website I was working on as part of an assignment. All ready to go, and this morning lo and behold it wouldn't fucking upload. No folder for me to upload it to it seems, 'Oh I'm sorry, when I registered our group with you in Week 3 Mr Lecturer, I assumed that you may have already done it since you didn't mention anyway in the Assignment Brief about doing it ourselves', 'Oh no that's not how it works, turns out you fucked up, now you get penalised!! ha ha ha' CUNT!!

Well that's kinda how it went anyway. Basically the lecturer is a big cunt. Not only is he crap at lecturing, he never gets his demonstrations to work when he tries to do them in lecture. IF YOU'RE GOING TO DEMO SOMETHING LEARN HOW THE FUCKING PROGRAM WORKS!!! He replies to my e-mail of 'there is no folder for me to upload to, when I connect to the server' with 'You should have sorted this out earlier, that alone deserves a fail. Just read the blurb it wil tell you how to connect to the server, just keep trying'! And that sentence helps me how exactly?

Anyway I had to go all the way to Oxford today, I set off from home at 1:30pm and got back at 8:30pm tonight, want to know how long I was at university. 15 FUCKING MINUTES. All that bullshit for 15 minutes, it makes me hate oxford (which I was starting to anyway having spent 4 years of student 'poverty' there) which I don't really want as I have good friends in the oxford town. And university is trying my patience, my advice to any undergraduates, be rich, get a job and stay for a few years at most. I fucking hate Uni now!!!

I'm going to do a new feature that will show 5 things I've learnt during this particular blog adventure. So here's what I've learnt from this one:
-Not being able to drive legally sucks balls, and public transport sucks even more balls.
-Becoming complacent with my 2:2 grade at Uni may cause me to fuck it up big time.
-I need a drink with Axl to stop me from hating Oxford any more.
-I could lecture better than some of the Uni lecturers on my course (but some are most excellent)
-It is most hard to eat a freshly baked large Domino's pizza when the bastards working there forgot to slice it up!!

Now I need some sleep, maybe a bit of Mario before bed, and I don't mean the game. COME HERE YOU SEXY LOVE PLUMBER!!!!

Holy Jesus Cakes, He's Back!

2007-11-27T12:24:00.000Z

Ok, ok so it's been a little while since I last wrote here. Ok there is a chance that my blog is infested with lice, grown mouldy, become the victim of bird flu or any of the above, but fear not as I now have the tools at my disposal to correct this heinous mistake, and for that matter I don't say heinous enough............did that word originate from Bill & Ted? Answers on a blogcard. And on the subject of things not said enough, I will strive to now insult people using the following phrase 'Jive Turkey', it needs to be said that Jive Turkeying needs to be brought back into the fold.

So what the fuckity juice have I been doing with myself lately? WELL rather a few things and it's going to take a while to get you all up to speed thus I am creating a new section in my blog that I will entitle 'Catch Up With Ketchup And Other Condiments!' This is of course will be interspersed with my current day to day musings and what not so make sure you are aware of which is the present and which is the past Fat Chan........I can't afford a cataclysmic paradox......Doc Brown would have me Flux Capacitor. Before all this though I will be participating in Mr Axls Potato Farm and will plant a seed of my own to see how exactly it will grow. BYES FOR NOWSY!!!

A Recollection Of Work Based Irritation #1

2007-06-01T10:40:00.000+01:00

So then, as promised in a comment to an old post of Axl's, I feel it's time I mentioned some of the nutters that I encountered in HMV, I loved working at HMV but the nutters were some of the best and some of the worst points of being there, mostly the worst. Although I never worked on the floor with sales, therefore not receiving the full blown, gooey nuttyness that others received, I got a special kind of nutter that used the phone as their instrument of madness; so first up is Mrs Bricknell. Ok then, it is generally the case that we would put aside a couple of items for a customer, or order them in if we didn't have them. Most of these people wanted easily available things, or at least something that could be ordered with no problem. Mrs B had a taste for anything on World War 2, it seemed nothing in particular about it just generally everything about it. Well that's fine I thought, while we dealt with mostly films, tv series etc, we did have a pretty substantial general interest section, of WW2 being what it is, there was quite a few DVD's on it. However Mrs B only wanted these documentaries on VHS. That's right, even though it was at a time when we all knew VHS was dying and it was time to upgrade to the DVD generation, it was VHS she wanted. So obviously I advised her that DVD was the way to go, and players were cheap and it's all easy to use, still she wanted these videos. Ok so began the longest phone conversation of my life, as she would say 'uhhhh have you got anything on Stalingrad?' (Oh you have to realise that she was a VERY heavy breather who seemed to constantly lick her lips, judging by the sound on the phone, so this sentence took close to a minute to eventually come out). Right so in goes the search, 'Nope sorry don't have that in stock and it's discontinued', 'Can you order it in for me', 'No it's discontinued, that means we can no longer get it', 'Oh ok, have you got......?'. Next question, same answer, next question, same answer FOR JUST OVER A FUCKING HOUR!!! And I can't just hang up on the lady because I'm too nice and I hate rudeness in any form. By the end of this my soul had been expertly sucked out of my right ear and down the telephone line, I can only imagine that was the cause of the licking her lips, as she devoured every last quart of my soul. Typically, as we have to say our name when answering the telephone she immediately remembered me and thought of me as a 'friend' so when she'd call the bastards in the stockroom would pass her over, bastards (of course they know I love them really, we were an awesome team). For weeks this went on as she'd keep asking if her orders of a VHS long scrapped (although still on our system) had come in, and then proceed to ask about anymore, just simply asking what we've got, I'm sorry that I don't know the entire catalogue of WW2 videos we have on the system, I obviously didn't study hard at 'Pointless Information' school. After eventually convincing her that VHS was dead, get a DVD player (took at least 10 times of saying it to convince her), she said she'd try and get one and she uttered the words which burnt a hole in the tattered threads of my soul, 'So if I get a DVD player, I can phone a get a lot of them on WW2?' to which I replied, almost in tears 'Yes'. However luckily I didn't really hear from her after that, I imagine her TV blew up and she just sits there staring at WW2 pictures, narrating the stories aloud. I understand that this written portrayal of my nemesis is probably not describing the sheer horror instilled in me when I'd pick up the phone to that heavy, licky breathing, but if you'd been there you'd understand man!!!! Just like Nam!! If you ever knew of her then you must post a comment so that I don't appear to be the nutter. Well that's it for this episode, plenty more nutters to talk about, will space them out to keep you wanting. BYE BYESY NOW!!!!

A Musical Interlude

2007-05-28T17:47:00.001+01:00

Right, so this is my first blog entry not typed directly into the computer. It's Saturday night and I'm currently on the train to go see my girlfriend as she's gone to see her mum and I miss her, my girlfriend that is not her nmum, though her mum is lovely. I'm listening to my MP3 player that has a crazy mix of music on it. I was just listening to some beautiful 80's genius in the guise of Flock of Seagulls (I Ran), Go West (We close our eyes) and that beautiful synth enduced man, Jan Hammer. Oh dear, now it's some game music, 'Sonic & Knuckles Lave Reef Zone 1' to be exact. I know what you're thinking and yes you're right, but I love the cheap electronica of old school computer game music, it has a subtle charm and some is actually really good, or at least has a good structure even if the samples used are a bit crap. That reminds me must get hold of Eno & Byrne, 'My Life in the bush of ghosts'. Nothings is happening on this train might be because it's 11pm on a Saturday night (Haha now it's 'Now You're A Man' by Matt Stone & Trey Parker, taken from Orgasmo, genius).

Right so train = boring, onto what happened between now and my last post. Work said they don't need me, (Awesome Level 42 'Running In The Family'. Whoever said 80's music was crap must have been listening to a block of styrofoam instead of a record player, Jeeves understands, good man!) for a couple of days next week, which fucks me over a bit. Damn, I was trying not to swear in this blog in case my mum reads it, oh well it's done now, sorry mum. Fuck fuck fuckity piss wank tits flange bastard CUNT!!! Right now that imaturity is out the way, I'm fucked. That's a load of money I desperately needed and I'm fucked without it ('Brooks was here' by Thomas Newman, taken from the shawshank redemption soundtrack, such a simple song but one of the most beautiful I've ever heard, it's pure genius, note to self: stop saying genius you sound like a twat!). So I had that to digest on the bus home, then the Gauntlet awaited. Better than I expected, sure lots of people in the war etc, and chain man was escaping from something (a lack of diversity I think). People were selling sunglasses, much better than scarves ('Warbrain' Alkaline Trio, awesome song, the musicality makes my nerves vibrate, the lyrics are ok, some political stab at bush, which is fair enough, but it's the sound that carries it). An interesting bluegrass band was playing, which reminds me, WHERE THE FUCK IS STAMPY!!! That man always made me smile, and his absence has caused the high street to be rife with buffoons. If you don't know Stampy he's the bagpipe player in the vest, kilt and boots with long hair, and he always stamps his foot hard when he plays. I don't know anyone who doesn't like stampy, that's mainly because I kill them.

I feel sorry for Axl at the moment, why does he seem to have attracted the very much unwanted attention of the BNP idiocy (Oh changed to Box Car Racer album now, no more random tracks left). However he is equipped witha good wit to smite their pond slime brains with. I fucking hate racists, does that in some way make me facist, who cares, I hate racists and homophobes, it's retarded to hate/hurt/kill someone for a difference like that we are genetically the same fucking species. Does this happen in other species, do Bearded Collies go around in packs and beat the living shit out of Pugs!!! No it fucking doesn't because it seems it takes the complexity and amazment that is the Human brain to actually make someone into a stupid, retarded pig fucker (no offense Mr & Mrs Pig, I feel you sometimes get lumbered with a bad crowd). Why don't they all do us a favour and smash their own heads into the pavement until nothing is left, hey I'm willing to lend a hand, my conservationist, humanitarian side does not extend as far as these cunts! They should be used for medical science, fuck testing on animals, test it all on these cunts, beneficial to society in every possible way! Oh how's this for a good idea, just came to me, how about making it mandatory for prisoners to have to donate blood, surely that's a good idea???

Ahh damn it, that's it my brain has gone into a gooey mess, and now I don't know where to go, best try and mop it up. Another post will follow once my brain is back to it's regular squishy consistency.

2 + 1 Jobs = Garett!

2007-05-26T12:21:00.000+01:00

Greetings my fellow readers of rage. So I'm getting back into the swing of things and only left it 8 days before posting a new entry, however I'm finding it increasingly hard to be angry at things. One thing that angers me, no matter what I do, is walking through Oxford High Street on a Saturday. I bloody hate it. Not only are you bombarded by people, who while they are in the guise of shopping actually seek your path and move into it at just the moment you are about to step there, forcing you to stop momentarily and sidestep around the imbecile. It feels like running the gauntlet, only I wish it was because if there were forcably trying to stop me I would at least have a good reason to push them to the floor. Not only are the people in the way, it seems I'm surrounded by shit street acts and people selling things that people don't want (such is the life of business I guess), scarves in the hot sun?

Talking about street acts, how rubbish has the standard got recently. Don't get me wrong some are great and it all adds to the character of the town, but really, mr chain escaping guy, sure your show is impressive but do I actually need to see it 365 days a year. Also you mark out a huge area forcing people to stand around it, blocking the only route through for those who actually have better things to do than seeing a man tie himself up and then untie himself to music. I was told by Mr Potato the other day that apparently he shouted at some people once because they walked away from the show without paying......Ummmmm last time I looked mate you can't charge for street theater, it's in a public domain only discretionary donations are applicable. Still escaping from a big chain is impressive once!

The worst one I have ever seen though was the guy dressed up as a native american. In case you were unaware of his 'theater' let me enlighten you. You know the artist that dress up and paint themselves to actually look like statues and stay still for ridiculous amounts of time until a coin is given to them then they do an 'interesting' movement. Firstly this is boring, it certainly is impressive to stay that still for a long time, I couldn't do it, but then I wouldn't want to so my interest almost immediately disapears. Although you do tend to stand and watch just for the 'I wonder what he'll do next' moment, which is usually rubbish. The only exception I've seen to this is a guy dressed up holding a glass ball. When he moves, he moves the ball around to look like it's floating around parts of his body, which does look pretty cool, so fair play. Anyway I'm getting sidetracked again, back to the native american guy. So he's dressed up as a native american, obviously begin British (I assume, at the very least European), he looks nothing like a native american and the outfit looks a bit too hollywood for my liking. So he stands still, looking rubbish, and when a coin is given, his special movement, the one we are all waiting to see..........he bows slowly down.....then slowly up. THAT'S IT!!! THATS ALL HE BLOODY DOES!! If I was the child giving the money (because let's face it, it is usually only the children who do) I would kick him in the shins for wasting my valuable childhood experience, the innocence of which is too short to be wasted watching retards bowing. (this is actually an offense to retards, used in the most polite sense of the word, (can the word retards be used poiltely, I guess not (I suppose handicapped would be prefferrable (but then handicapped somehow seems unPC due to the overly PC world we live in (I think I'll come back to that in another entry - Oh crap I've gone and gotten myself lost in a maze of open brackets, let me gather myself for a moment.....................................................................................................................................)))))

Right that's a bit better So to my week whats been happening. Still in the serious debt situation, but I now have re-registered at a temp agency so hopefully I will be able to get a decent job there and claw my way out of this. My girlfriend has been just amazing, I'm the luckiest guy ever to have found her, I need to find a real way to show her how much she means to me...........I know of one but I can't afford that just yet, but I have to do something soon. If you didn't come to see her degree show installation then shame on you, because it was great, to be fair the whole show was very good on the whole, some pieces really not so good, but it all made me really appreciate how good contemporary art can be, it just isn't publicised to the masses enough, instead you get the rubbish from the likes of Damien Hirst. Anyway to the degree show, some pieces were crap, sorry to say it, I don't know much about art but I know what's crap in a contemporary sense. Some were truly excellent, some were just very irritating. For example one piece (I'm not going to name names but a lot will know who I mean), was really great, had a very solid idea and if you just saw it you would think...........wow very good. But luckily I was there when the artist was showing their friends round, and they quite clearly did not understand the work they had produced, which just boggles the braincells, they'd essentially stumbled upon a very good idea and ran with it without understanding it. That's just simply moronic and it annoys me because people that don't know the artist will assume the piece was really saying something, which it should've been.

Anyway I've rambled on far too long for this blog, just time to say that if you haven't heard about the TV series 'Day Break' then it's worth checking out, takes a few episodes to get into it and relate to the characters but it's worth it. Unfortunately it's been cut after one season so that might be all there is, luckily the story is wrapped up mostly so you don't feel like you're hanging. Also for any 'Firefly' Fans such as myself it's got Adam Baldwin in it too, so watch it now! and if you're not a fan of Firefly, then sort it out, get watching it and start loving it. Also if you haven't gone to my website go now and come to my charity event 16th June. ALSO.....if you are a folky type band, or just a person with a guitar contact me if you fancy playing acousticcy based things at the event.

TIME TO GO NOW, hope you all had lots of fun, BYE BYE NOW, LOVE YOU ALL, well most, some, none....haha now you have no idea!!

Kick Me In The Blog Eh???

2007-05-18T23:03:00.000+01:00

So that bloody hairless potato has threatened me and now I have to write another entry. To be honest he's right to kick me in the backside, I've been severely slacking..................A MONTH since my last entry, how ridiculous. Now I could blame it all on the stupid gay exams and the rubbish coursework that has been plaguing my brain. Or perhaps about the ridiculous money situation I've gotten my gangly limbs into. Truth is though, I've just been too lazy, I would like to say I have an addictive personality but really I have the beginnings of one and just that. I really get into new fads, Facebook, Myspace blogging etc and then I get too lazy and stop doing them just when they should be getting interesting. I'm a buffoon is all that can be said.

Well now that's out of the way it is indeed time to tell you all what I've been up to recently. Well I've started a new job at Threshers, in my desperate bid to scrape my way out of this debt. It's going well so far, not too taxing and within walking distance, so definite bonus. Apart from working last night whereby on my way up the heavens deemed it fair to punish me for not taking any waterproofs or an umbrella. I spent about the first half of my shift with my socks, shoes, hat and feet drying over a small heater thingy. I've so far done two exams, both of which were abysmal, I'm starting to think I'm not really clever enough for this Uni malarkey and I'm so desperately bored of it I'm actually thinking about removing one of my kidneys to minimise the boredom, and actually that may indeed benefit me, supposedly they go for quite a lot of money (So Nip/Tuck tells me, and why would television lie to me?). I've been helping my girlfriend heavily to help her be ready for her degree show, she's nervous about it all but her work is fantastic, and I'm really proud of her, certainly better than some pieces that are going to be at the degree show, will be worth checking out for sure.

On the note of art, my camera had a malfunction the other week and I am damn annoyed at it. The lens has become stuck and when turning the thing on it makes a nasty buzzing noise before switching off again. I've tried a few things but can't get the lens to un-jam, it appears to be mocking my photography skills...............I hate that camera. Still I'll probably take it apart and make it workable again somehow. I've also been updating my website heavily. Managed to create a very basic message board for it (mainly for the Serenity Now/Equality Now charity event taking place on 16th June. PLUG!) to be honest it's crap considering just how long it took for me to code the damn thing................not as nimble with the code as I used to be.

Oh dear I've gone and had a seizure and now it's two days later than when I started writing this blog entry. WHAT A FOOL I IS!!!! Ok so now I've finished all my exams and the last two didn't go too badly, still in a serious money problem, but I have a plan to work it all out, so long as no-one decides to break my knees..............I hear that's what banks do nowadays.............or has TV bestowed another lie upon me? Anyway, those are gone, I can now start chilling out a bit, although I think I'm getting ill which sucks big time as I have loads of things I want to do and since my girlfriends degree show has now started I can't stay in bed all day anyway, so I'll be a suffering fool. Oh well lots of TV shows to catch up on, just going to watch the last episode of 'Dexter', Sweet merciful crap I hear myself say, that is one awesome damn good show, if you haven't heard about it or seen it, then DO IT NOW, DO IT DO IT NOW. Or so help me!!! Although having watched a lot of it the other day, it did make my dreams go a bit funny.............but they're generally violent anyway. Right, I'm going to stop this nonsense right now as I have the work in the morning and will no doubt have to endure the tyranny that is Oxford high street on a Saturday. Last time I walked through the hordes of annoying shoppers I gave myself a headache because I was frowning in anger too much. Anyway byesy poohs, oh and check my website you bastards................what else have you got to do, you're reading this aren't you. Go on do something worthwhile!! GOODBYBE!!

P.S I have disabled the comment moderation because Axl is a fat chicken horse!

Another Week Another Brain Leaking

2007-04-28T14:34:00.000+01:00

So another week has passed and it seems I have nothing really to show for it. Coursework is finally in, some of the worst I think I've ever done once again, I'm well on my way to getting my 'well deserved' 2nd. Still the next piece in for tuesday is easy and I actually enjoy maths, I know the horror indeed, so that makes me happy. Been getting my arse in gear to sort out the website and start heading full speed into the charity event in June, so that will now keep my mind occupied. Axl sent me a stupid questionnaire thing and I thought well if it's good enough for Mr Potato, then Fat Chan most certainly can handle it. After reading Axl's answers though I found myself laughing like and uncontrollable small rodent that had just eaten a tablet of speed and was aware that by not calming down it would die, but it felt too good to stop. I find myself intimidated by Axl's humour, indeed I have found that funny people are the only thing in the world that actually intimidates me. His answers were excellent, and I foolishly took to the questionnaire to try and match his wits, I think I may have fallen far short of the hurdle. As I say I get intimidated and do stupid things, like when I met Eddie Izzard briefly at a signing. I'm sure others are just as bad but I just wanted at least the faint air of cool about me, instead of looking like a starstruck moron with the obligatory wide eyes and toothy grin...........and my teeth are nothing to show off, trust me! Let's just hope there is no future revolution from a comedian dynasty brewing somewhere, or I will be left in a helpless gooey mess on my living room floor.........maybe the bathroom floor.

Speaking of bathrooms, the light ONCE AGAIN broke in our ensuite yesterday. Two bulbs in one day, what the hell is going on, AND it's every bloody time I take up my screwdriver upstairs to put it away (because I like to organise....so what?) that it goes shortly afterwards. How fucking difficult is it to make a hosue properly habitable. I mean seriously house prices are bad enough in Oxford, but the quality is beyond poor, simply put landlords are just money peadophiles, out for every small penny they can get their grubby hands on. Ok this is a generalisation, I'm sure not all landlords are like this, but so far I've never met one who isn't. One day I'm going to get into property development some way and do a damn good job, because that's my role as a responsible human being providing a decent and good service for other human beings so they may do the same. Who the fuck gets any kind of pleasure from screwing with other people. Anyone like that simply should be hit in the bladder until it explodes inside them seeping through every organ and eventually dispensing itself through all remaining orifaces of said person for hours on end.

Anyway enough about all this, I'm getting way off topic, dammit this blog was meant to be about current affairs in my life and my brain has gone and leaked all over your keyboard with gibberish, apologies for that, I will do my best to reinverse your time in another post. So where was I. Ah Yes! I officially hate Wheatley campus. To go up there for an entire days worth of lectures, isn't so bad. But to have to go up there JUST to hand in a crappy piece of coursework then it may as well ask me to sign my soul over on the bus because I feel it's already been stolen, it would be nice to just go and make it nice and legal like. I also hate the fact that the further in education I seem to get the dumber I seem to become. I know I'm good at computers, but why does everyone else on my course seem to be SOOOOOO much better than me. Ok I agree from the looks of some of them it doesn't seem that they do much else, but surely they aren't all like that. Surely they all go out have a laugh, be sociable (a topic I will perhaps discuss in another entry), and are great people. I just feel like a complete dunce all of the time lately and I'm not looking for sympathy so shut ya damn whining. Who said you could whine anyway this is my bloody blog, you got something better to do then go do it. GO ON SCRAM!!!

Phew now they are out the way where was I? Ummmmmmmmmm, oh crap they've annoyed my so much that it seems this brain leak turned into a full flowing torrent and while sweeping them away in frenzied, boiling (brain juice is always boiling) rapids it unfortunately has left me with no juice to function on. I must ..........

Why has nothing irritated me? Ironically irritating!

2007-04-21T12:06:00.000+01:00

Ahhhhh it's bloody typical, as soon as I set up a blog to try and focus my aggitation of everyday life into it..........nothing is actually bothering me at the moment. Even though I have no money, debts, coursework due, exams to prep for and a charity event to get going; everything seems to going all fine and dandy in my mushy hard part. HOW RIDICULOUSLY ANNOYING!!!! Ok I have to admit, my week has not been all smooth and happy. I had a giant stress getting in some coursework for tuesday, probably one of the worst pieces I've ever handed in, a complete waste of my good mark on the previous coursework. Wednesday I had another coursework disaster which meant just at the last minute I couldn't go out to see the 'Foals', which I was really looking foward to, and Mr potato himself said it was an awesome gig, so that made me want to scream some obscenities.

Thursday went all the way to the hairy fun and joy that is Wheatley to hand in some coursework and the block was LOCKED! I calmy had a seizure before getting back on the bus to head home. Then I got a call from work saying that the 9-5 day I was meant to be doing Friday (which had now been cut down to 11-2) was now off completely so there was some more money I was losing out on GARGHAGRHGARGH!!!!!! However I went to go see the 'Foxes' at the Cellar in the evening, and they were excellent as always. 'Onions For Eyes' were supporting and they also were good, if not a little surreal, although that certainly did add to the experience. 'Stornoway' were headlining and they were great as I always expect them to be. But because I am a big girl it started getting late and I was knackered so I left before they completely finished their set. Friday went to go and hand my coursework in, got my shopping on my credit card (BLASTED CREDIT CARD) then did more or less nothing until the evening when I watched 'The Proposition', good film, although not terribly deep in terms of the characters which is a shame since the characters are portrayed fantastically. Pretty violent though, not for no squeamish donkeys ok!

So typically we've arrived at the end of another wonderous blog entry, the second of what promises to be a particularly long series, such as those sent by that word hungry St Paul. Of course mine will be full of mainly gibberish much to the dismay of some of you. Enjoy yourselves out their in the real world, don't get lost, be sure to have your armbands handy!

My First Ever Blog, Bloody Marvelous!!

2007-04-14T12:15:00.000+01:00

Right ok, so here is my first ever blog post. I hope you are all salivating just as much as I am. Simply put the purpose of this blog is to express the anger and irritation I feel on a day to day basis with generally most things. If you enjoy what's being said then thats lovely, but otherwise I don't care, this is my way of dispersing the ever growing rage feeling inside me without actually turning to violent means, because thats not me, I'm a clean freak and I can't see how you can be violent and clean at the same time, so those things certainly would not work. Anyway enough about my psychosis.

First off I've been angry at myself, I managed to get on the stupid wrong bus again, going to the other side of Kidlington is not the fun bus journey I had in mind and it made me late for work. Bus journeys don't usually annoy me, I use them as a time to slip out of consciousness and listen to my MP3 player, but why OH WHY does everyone want to travel on the bus route your on when you're already late. EVERY BLOODY STOP!!!!! ANNDDDDD It's always the really dithery people, who either don't have their money ready, or don't know where they are or where they're going, or whether they are even alive, or knows what a bus is. I'm not complaining at the bus services mind, just some of the idiotic general population.

On a lighter note, saw 300 the other day and it was superb! Like my friend who owns a lovely potato farm once said, it was indeed like a stange reverse bukkake where women wank all over MY face, of course they would be wanking blood, and simultaneously stabbing me in the chest. I'm not sure that would be so enjoyable after all. I think I have misunderstood! But seriously go see the film, if you've never read the Frank Miller comic or even heard about, look it up. Visually beautiful and stunning much like Sin City was, and great characters and gives you an immense sense of empowerment. NOW GO watch, and shout, and rejoice. I'm going to have lunch now!